Pain versus Joy -- "The Hourglass of Recovery"

For those who regularly follow my blog and posts (500 readers per month at the moment), you know that I primarily write about two topics: Faith and Surviving Sexual Abuse.  For me, those topics are intertwined because when you deal with Sexual Abuse you will also be faced with the larger-than-life-questions.

Recently, I felt inspired to write a new post about the recovery process and recovery limits from sexual abuse.  This is a process very few people talk about publicly, and when it is discussed, it is discussed in vague terms.  For me, healing comes from personal connection, not from vague terms.  So I offer less vague and more personal connection!

I was inspired to write this post because of how many survivors whom I have recently talked to.  Many suffer deep rooted shame and rejection, even if people say they love them.  Listening to them and thinking of my own story, I then realized...hey...most people suffer through their recovery in shame and isolation.  That isn't right!  We need to pop the isolation bubble and let victims be honoured!!

So let's continue the dialogue.

The Ceiling of Recovery

Did you know that there is a ceiling to recovery?  I didn't.  But apparently, medical research shows that early life trauma can permanently disable confidence, stability etc.  According to certain researchers, there are limits to trauma recovery.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I have likely progressed as far as anyone can who has my serious history of abuse.  In other words, according to medicine, this is as good as it gets.  Both my counselors and my physician are actually quite proud of my recovery.  It would seem that I have been blessed with more healing than the 'norm'.  Thank GOD!

Fortunately for me, I know people who specialize in trauma.  They tell me, that where most people hit a ceiling, they have found the next step to recovery.  Again, thank GOD!  (relief and joy inserted here).

In other words, I still have a chance at a full life with joy and THRIVING.  

So now what?

Is that the end of my healing journey?  Absolutely not!  There are massive breakthroughs in faith, therapy, neuro-science, prayer and so on.  I get regular reports of healings that are seeing medical impossibilities become transformational possibilities.  My favourite stories are of survivors from war or abuse who have been miraculously healed from PTSD.  Woo!  Pass that good news around :)

My support network has had mixed reactions to this medical news.  Some were sad while others were empathetic and understood that medicine has its limits when coming to treat emotional trauma.  The faith community is by far the MOST supportive of my continued health recovery and improvement.  

Others expressed concern because they knew my intellectual and professional potential is not being utilized because of the deterioration caused by abuse and the memory recall process.  I understand their perspectives, because I have had to grieve all of those losses too. 

Fortunately, pain pathways are not my life's definition.  It is just a tremendous obstacle.  One day, it might even be a trophy!

I am blessed to now have a peace that comes from being in the present.  If this level of healing is all that is mine, I am grateful, even though I will seek more healing.  As long as I am on this Earth, I will be hungry for more goodness, peace, fullness, and wholeness.

Why talk about these things?

Abuse creates isolation; writing & speaking creates awareness and helps to build community.  It is my leading and intention to continue being an Advocate, Public Speaker, and Writer to bring about awareness of the recovery process from sexual abuse.  This is a work in progress.

Topic of Pain in Recovery

So let's talk about the bare bones truth.  Recovery is painful, sometimes excruciating.  At the basement of pain, is a true rock bottom.  It is a desolate place full of uncertainty and confusion.  You move to the left--there is pain; you move to the right--there is pain.  A true rock bottom is merciless.

At that place of reckoning, a person often has to decide if they have even enough energy or will to allow the idea that there is a possibility that there might be a hope to have the will to keep trying.  Even the will to get back up might seem more than possible.  

From the ashes we rise (photo, NOT the content, from HERE)

A rock bottom is sobering on all levels.  Old techniques for feeling good won't work (Behaviors, People, Events etc).  Everything can appear bleak--that is how you can tell it is a bottom.

The benefit of a true rock bottom is that you can only go up.  At the bottom of life's hourglass, you earn a new perspective.  You gain the opportunity to see the whole of your worldview as it is, rather than how you wish it was.  Then, a person can start to make decisions such as the choice to survive.  Thriving usually has to wait.

Take a look at the photo posted to the right.  These hands represent the ones who choose to get up again; it is the effort and the human will to survive, even when drowning.  In this photo, I see pain and suffering, but I also see the triumph of the overcoming nature of our spirit.  We want to survive.

To me, that picture would look a lot better with a helping hand coming down from above!  

Faith Required

Tattoo art by Gabriellexx (Original HERE)

It is through faith that a person gains true life again.  In any recovery program (hurts, habits etc), faith is part of the 12 steps.  You cannot heal without God.  Any person in healing knows that.

To the left, you can see an image of an hourglass with death on the bottom versus life on the top.  Notice the cross--a key symbol of faith.  Notice how you feel when you see the skull versus seeing the cross.  One symbol emphasizes death; whereas the other symbol (even though the cross was initially a symbol of death) is now a symbol of life.

When I was at my true rock-bottom, just like that skull in the drawing, I needed to choose if I was going to win or lose.  I remember having a vision of my world as darkness.  I saw God intervening and putting one little speck of light through that darkness a great distance away.  In that moment of vision, I resolved that as long as I had breathe in my lungs, I would take steps until I had approached that light and until that light consumed my vision.  That vision still motivates me today, 10 years later.  I choose life, light, and hope.

During the past 10 years, I've seen plenty of healings and miracles, including:  seeing addicts completely healed to sobriety in an instant of prayer (and some have testified to having been healed and sober for over 30 years), limbs growing to normal lengths, teeth transformed, hearts mended, hearing restored, surgical metal disappearing, and cancer cured.  In these things, I have become rich with faith, and richer in experience.

So what about my experience with darkness, despair, and the torments of abuse memories?  The answer is that those things were being worked out in direct contrast to the light and miracles I was seeing. Faith, was necessary for my healing.  It allowed me to see God, experience hope, and the courage to progress towards my redemption.

I am now firmly convinced that my personal and greatest miracle is the sense of relationship and healing that occurs in my heart when I connect to our Creator, through Jesus, and awaken again.  The symbol of the cross heals me, inspires me, and provides me with a path from death to life.  Some of my humanist and atheist friends think that my faith is ignorance.  But for me, faith has given me life and continues to give me what knowledge never could--LIFE!

How does one transition from pain to joy?

This question has been at the core of my personal and spiritual research for the past 10+ years.  I have been 'hungry' for joy and have searched high and low for the way, the means, and the method of a return to joy. 

What have I found?  I have discovered that joy is spiritual and physical.  We need spiritual joy through meaning and connection to our spiritual source; we also need physical joy through physical health, healthy relationships, a stable environment etc.

The key method for me, has been Immanuel prayer technique, taught in combination with "THRIVE Recovery".  Through the THRIVE recovery model, I am learning that joy is an actual substance within the brain.  Researchers have learned that joy is the key to recovering from pain.  THRIVE Recovery is a program that teaches:

When your life is more painful and out-of-control than you like, find the skills to bring you to peace and joy...Trauma weakens your brain’s control center...Strategic spiritual and mental training restarts your life....a state of the art training program that combines neuroscience (brain) research, relational community, Biblical principles and prayer dialogue with our Creator to develop us into healthy, mature, healed people who THRIVE! This is a program like no other, and it can't be compared to other systems! (THRIVE Recovery: http://www.thrivingrecovery.org/about.php)

Joy Trumps Pain

I have learned that it is through 'joy' that Jesus endured the cross.  So joy, according to the Gospels, is something that propels us past the worst tortures of pain and torment, isolation and suffering.  Joy trumps pain!

Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2, ESV)

Jesus, was despised, rejected, and acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). Yet, he spoke of abundant life, joy, peace, hope, and assurance.  He contained the paradox of both pain and joy, while offering his solution as our 'salvation'.  So yes, for me, Jesus' solution was necessary for the power to begin recovery.

My next statement will shock a few--but Jesus is not the entirety of healing.  Jesus sent the Comforter, but he also built a people who heal too.  We each need 'Jesus in flesh'--COMMUNITY.  I need people to teach me about love, joy, peace, and acceptance, to replace what was robbed from me through abuse, rejection, mockery, and betrayal.

It is somewhat like relational replacement.  What was robbed, must be restored at least 10 times.  For every abuser, I need a group of good people to replace that defilement.  

I cannot heal alone

I cannot, and will not be healed outside of a strong, loving, and nurturing community.

Simon & Garfunkel were famous for singing "I am a rock, I am island".  Today, when I hear that song all I can think is 'wow, talk about a strong case of denial'.  No one is an island.  Our pain isolates us, but we are never in actual or complete isolation.  Even an island is surrounded by an ocean that is teaming with life.  We are never alone.  We just need the skills, the resources, and the help to reconnect outside of the pain (which is the isolator).

Furthermore, because we were born in relationship and physically birthed out of an act of intimacy, we are incapable of being alone.  From unity we were conceived, and for unity we live.

So what is recovery?

I often hear it said that people recover from sexual abuse.  I still have not heard a clear definition of what recovery looks like.  So for now, I don't have an answer.  

Instead, I have a direction.  I direct myself towards an eternal identity, and take steps until my temporary experience catches up.  For example, if my eternal identity says that "I am more than a conqueror", and my temporary experience says that "I am defeated", then I simply take intentional steps from defeat to conquering.

I don't think that there is a certain point in the healing journey that says, "Congratulations, you are now recovered."  So for now, I take it step by step.  

The Hourglass of Recovery

"As sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives" (queue the soap opera music from "Days of Our Lives").

We rise, we fall, and we do it all over again.  I now see life more like a spiral than a straight line.  We progress, in a continuum, around each bend.  Some bends look just like the places we have been before, but because of time and space, we know that we can never be in the exact same place ever again.  Consequently, everything is cyclical

As long as I breathe, I can lose my breathe.  This is the vulnerability of being alive.  The goal is to be intentional and willing to do whatever it takes to catch one's breathe again, until breathe is gone from this life.

God is my goal, faith is my means, and loving community is my aide.  Together, with loving, safe, and secure community, I might, just might...THRIVE.



"Keep Your Love On!" by www.LovingOnPurpose.com:

A powerful person says, "I am going to be okay no matter what you do.  You can hurt me, but you cannot make me turn my love off.  I am relentlessly going to do what I have to do to protect my connection with you, no matter what."  When you can say and do this in the face of fear, mistakes and pain, you have already won the battle between fear and love. (Danny & Sheri Silk, 2013)

Empathy Pains For Rehteah Parsons - A Young Canadian Dead After Alleged Rape & Bullying

Today, I read a news article about a young girl who was allegedly raped, mocked, bullied, and then in her own desperation, she killed herself.

This was not a crime in a war zone; this was a crime in a land known for peace and healing.  This young girl was Canadian.  

"The trauma of the rape and ongoing bullying caused depression and suicidal thoughts" (Huffington Post).  Her family assured Rehteah that rape wasn't her fault, but their consoling could not remove the sting of the social humiliation that Rehtaeh faced after-the-fact.

Bullying isolates its victims until he/she retreats internally into a prison that is difficult to break free from.  In this case, rape was the crime, bullying was the sentence, and shame was the prison guard.  She couldn't break free; and in despair she tried to die.

"Sexual abuse is no respecter of persons, nationality, religion, gender, age, or boundaries.  It is the dark weapon that can destroy any human spirit." 

(Elizabeth Lewis @elizabethsinbox)

READ: Globe & Mail Article; April 9, 2013

UPDATE (April 26, 2013) : There is growing public awareness but also scrutiny into Rehteah's story.  I am not surprised.  However, the remainder of this blog is not influenced by Rehteah or her story.  The rest of this blog is quite personal and stands on its own merits.  I am here to "bloggersize" and share information.  Read on...

Empathy Pains

As a survivor of rape, I am having empathy pains for Rehteah and her story.

I am now in my 30's and am still doing "clean up" from the emotional, relational, psychological, spiritual, and health damages that were caused by sexual violence since my earliest years.  I have personally felt the pains of being misunderstood, unprotected, and at times, even mocked, belittled or ignored.  I even remember the dark realization that no police officer could help me because the "law" required more than personal testimony.  Also, to go to court would mean having the emotional strength to testify--something very few survivors have.

From my teens to twenties, I had very little support for my recovery, partly because I was muffled by denial, fear, unbearable realities, and silence.  It was in the silence and isolation that several different abusers were able to infiltrate my life.  I became a repeated victim, not just by sexual violence, but also by the culture of silence that prohibited my story from being heard.  Abusers rely on the power given to them by enablers and naysayers.  It sometimes seemed that the abusers were more protected than me, the abused.

Furthermore, as many survivors of sexual abuse will tell you, it can get worse.  Once abused, we can enter into a series of abusive relationships; each relationship only shatters the broken soul more, leading to depression, anxiety, confusion, angst, and even despair.  I can testify that to this day, I can only recall one positive dating relationship.  Sadly, it ended.  He was the one man that I trusted, but when I called him months later, asking for help after a sexual assault, he said nothing.  It was at that moment, that I realized, I was not valuable enough for anyone to fight for.

My memories were repressed, I bit my lip, and carried on.  Like the Brits say "Stay Calm, Carry On".  And that is what I did, one bad relationship after another.

To this day, I am still learning to feel safe, loved, and valuable.  Now, my training allows me to differentiate between abuse-based thoughts (lies) and healing-based thoughts (truths).  I am progressing, healing, and being recreated.

Sadly, when I read Rehteah's story, I could see evidence that she had not yet received the help she needed to get her past the crippling shame and despair phase.  Her life ended too soon.  But even if she had survived, who knows what kind of situations she would have subjected herself to, without some inner healing?

The reality is that survivors of rape and sexual harm, have a propensity to make decisions that can harm themselves all over again.

Rape doesn't just violate a person's body--it steals dignity, self-worth, the ability to trust, and healthy boundaries.  What begins as the rape of the body, inevitably leads to the desecration of the soul, and the destruction of the human spirit.  That is why rape is so evil--it can literally destroy a person on all levels of spirit, soul, and body.

Some survivors become addicts, others become workaholics, depressed, physically or mentally ill, abusive, or permanent victim, and so on.  Survivors are thrust into the cycle of violence, denial, and negative coping, until they can consciously or supernaturally break free.

In fact, some of the biggest critics of recovery can even be other rape survivors themselves.  I have met some survivors who make it their sub-conscious mandate to belittle or diminish other people's stories of abuse so that they can maintain their control or negative coping skills.  It is almost as if a survivor's need for denial can be projected onto controlling other victims to maintain their silence.

So how did I break free?

Fortunately I met caring Christians and professionals who have been generously walking the healing journey with me.  A special thanks today goes to Dave Bamford of "Positive Changes Now Counselling".  I can now say that I am recovering and see the possibilities of thriving.  The nightmares have finally stopped and other progress is now evident.  Nevertheless, recovery will continue one step at a time, unless a major miracle occurs.

Advocacy & Public Speaking

I am now an Advocate and Public Speaker for inner healing, surviving, and hopefully THRIVING!  I've been asked to speak in several countries already, with a book in the works.

In the meantime, I continue to relearn how to live, write, communicate, love, trust, and have meaning.  I am honoured to serve and to love those who are not yet able to love themselves--I am referring to the survivors of sexual harm and the used and abused.

I endeavor to continue developing the skills to support survivors, encourage them, and inspire them.

Canadian Reality Check 

In Canada, at least 20% of our adult population admits to having been sexually harmed, and 17% by the time they are 18.  Most believe the numbers of victims are SUBSTANTIALLY higher than that.  I have heard numbers as high as 1/3 women have been sexually harmed and 1/4 men.  These numbers reveal a pandemic of sexual harm in our nation of Canada.

The problem of rape sits on three-strongholds:

1. Culture of Silence - Silence allows shame to grow exponentially.  Victims can despair in silence and shame.  
2. Victim Isolation - Rape harms the victim, but it also robs the victim's entire relational network of its innocence.  If a victim is treated on an individual bases, sometimes they heal alone, which can further isolate the survivor.  Most survivors need the help of their friends, family, church, and community in order to feel safe, loved, accepted, and re-integrated into the community's strength.  It takes a community to raise a child, but it also takes a community to heal its most vulnerable.
3. Myth of Justice - Is there truly a justice for rape?  Not particularly.  In some cases, there is legal action, financial reparations; but are these things truly justice for what was lost in rape?  The only justice I have found so far is in my faith, with forgiveness, and the hope of a better life.  But I had to concede the justice was not mine to earn or gain in this lifetime (that would be futile), but something hoped for by my eternal God.  If someone balks at this, I would gladly ask them what other justice there is?  

The Healing Process?!?

Healing from sexual harm requires an initial plan of therapy, but it will also require an ongoing support system as new reactions will pop up throughout a survivor's entire life.  It can be a long and painful road to recovery.  We all look for the quick-fixes, but until then, there is just hard work and accurate therapy with a support system of love.

What can you do to help?

Ignorance and silence allows rape to win.  One of the best ways to deal with sexual violence is to stop protecting the ignorance and silence surrounding sexual violence and listen to the stories. Let people grieve.  Get educated.  We need Public Awareness to shine on every abuse, to chase the darkness and isolation away.

Abusers thrive in secrecy, so let's remove their power to abuse again--reveal the truth!

If you are an abuser--get help, ASAP!  Please turn yourself in, seek a therapist, and GET HELP!!!   Stop the crimes before it happens again.

Also, if you are financially able, consider donating to a local Sexual Abuse Hotline or Help Centre such as CASA: DONATE TODAY.  

Letting Victims Speak...

PHOTO Courtesy of: Rapes Going Unnoticed

PHOTO Original HERE

PHOTO Original HERE

PHOTO ADVERT from HERE

"Usually, the rapist starts out thinking you will consent to sex with him, and when you say no, he carries on anyway."

Angelic in Aberdeen

Family, Friends, and the Intrigued,

(excerpts from an email sent on December 16, 2012)

Well, ABERDEEN has been quite the adventure.  When I arrived, there was such an experience of joy and light.  I received several looks of shock and amazement from people on the street.  I have seen that look before; it happens when I am "radiating". Depending on who you ask, I might have actually been glowing.  I was happy and wanted to take a photo to show how I was feeling at this point on the trip (photo attached).  I was amazed when the photo showed me in light (the pic was taken in a dimly lit hotel room and the photo didn't make sense to the room's lighting; it should have been darker and shown the walls behind me).

I went out, picked up some chicken and headed back to the hotel.  That is when things changed (evil has an intentionally dark intelligence against our weakest points).  There was a situation with the man on night duty, and the result was that I was no longer feeling safe in my hotel room.  No details are required, suffice it to say that it was not a good scenario.

So I had decisions to make.  How do I respond?  Do I call the police?  What about the manager, where is his number?  Was the man a threat or was this just a trigger?  What is the wise response when I was alone in my hotel, at midnight, in a strange city?

I made some quick responses, jammed the lock in the door, barricaded it, and then I reached out to a few Christians for prayer.  These people were from various countries around the world. 

Even though the people I reached out to didn't know each other, they EACH responded in unity that they felt that I was safe and that my room was full of angels.  Oh really?  At that moment, I could only feel the pounding of my heart in my chest.  Thankfully, with all I have seen and heard about the past 5 years, I am open to experiencing God and the angelic.  So with my door locked, I tucked safely in my hotel bed and I prayed: "God, if other people say that there are angels in my room, let me see it too." 

I immediately had a picture of a massive angel hovering above and behind me (I was curled up on my side).  Then I had a sensation of a hand on my back (providing safety). I felt a glow and a warm shiver all over.  The 'glow' was so amazing, that I just revelled in the experience and asked for a 'second dose'.  It was so exciting that I mused, "so that is what people were talking about when they experienced a 'heavenly' touch".  It was pure ambrosia.  My spirit, soul, and body relaxed. 

While praying for the ability to connect with the angelic (in the way that everyone had mentioned was occurring), I also had a very practical moment where I decided--I would tell management about the inappropriate encounter in the morning. The natural and supernatural work in tandem.

So let's refer back to the "angelic activity".  While I was experiencing that warm glow, I took a deep breathe to calm my heart rate................and then............

................in a blink of an eye, it was morning.  LITERALLY.  Just like that; one breathe, and it was morning.

What happened to the time in between?  Usually I remember falling asleep, having dreams, rolling over, fluffing the pillows etc.  But in this case, I simply "skipped" all of that.  It was as if one moment I was awake, experiencing the angelic, and the next thing, *POOF*--it was early morning.

Even though what woke me was unpleasant (the neighbours were having vigorous and graphic relations), I had awakened in peace.  The peace did not diminish my need for practical order & justice; I was still determined to report the events to management.  But I had peace!  For me, that was a miracle!

As I write, the church Elder spoke out to me, "Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid",  John 14:27). 

Even though darkness had attempted to overtake me, God's light still shone.  In fact, the next day, when I attended an African Church in Aberdeen, the Elder's wife reported that she thought I was visibly "glowing".  She felt compelled to meet me.  She, and many others had confirmed that they thought I was "glowing".  To me, this is just more phenomena on an otherwise banal day. It is as if God is more visible against the backdrop of the earthen.

DOES THE SUPERNATURAL AND ANGELIC ACTUALLY HAPPEN? 

For the past 4 or 5 years, I have been investigating the supernatural in greater detail.  I have met people who have shared their own experiences with God, the angelic, and so on.  There are numerous reports that people have seen wounds restored, people getting healed of cancer, blood disorders, and various other illnesses.  I've also met people who profess to have seen the dead raised to life (including in Africa, Pakistan, and Northern California).

It seems to me that the universe, God-created, is as vast and mysterious as God is.  If God is spirit, and we have God's image, than we can anticipate and experience God.  I call these events, whether practical or mysterious, as "supernatural". 

God is able to do "above and beyond all that we could ask or think".  Just go to a movie--there is a LOT that any of us can ask or think about.  So why do we limit God?  If he can do more than anything I could ask for, I might as well ask BIG!  I asked to see the angelic in Aberdeen, and in this experience, I think I did.

It is easy to get caught up in trendy humanism and secularism, particularly in Canada.  But I keep my attitude simple--if God is alive (and I believe God is alive), and God created ALL things, then even the mundane or the miraculous can reveal God.  I am not afraid to look, to ask, to seek; thus, I am open to considering the weird, the wacky, and the wonderful as part of the creative expressions of God.  In fact, it is quite fun.

DO I HAVE MORE STORIES ABOUT THE SUPERNATURAL? 

Oh yes!  There are loads of stories.  I have begun to collect stories of healings, miracles, and conversions en masse (such as an entire town of people being changed by the appearance of Jesus in all of the town's dreams). 

Some of these phenomenons I have witnessed in person, throughout my travels; some of these phenomenons my friends and colleagues have personally witnessed. It is a dynamic time to be a Christian!     

There are vast groups of Christians around the world who are moving in the supernatural, under the radar of most mainstream churches.  You can distinguish them by the volume of joy and love that many of them exude that far exceeds many traditional groups. 

The supernatural Christians tend to embrace people with tremendous joy and love, including people who have otherwise been rejected by mainstream groups. 

Some of these "Wild Ones" (Christians experiencing God's power in the present) are trans-relocating, walking through walls, walking out of prisons, bypassing dangers and seeing life restored in people's spirit, soul, and body.  Alberta even has some of these stories.

WHY DOES THE SUPERNATURAL MATTER?

For some people, the supernatural doesn't matter.  They are happy with their world of stock markets, bureaucracy, routine, monotonous church and stability.  But they are the minority within a shrinking demographic.   

In reality, most people have glaring needs that they need filled (both naturally and supernaturally).  More than 50% of the world is living on $2.50 per day (Global Issues), with 26.3% of the world's total population being under the age of 14 (Index Mundi).   If there is one thing we know about children--it is that they are not afraid to ask or think for great things!  They are dreamers...

Children and families first need sustenance then significance and then the supernatural.  Oftentimes, missions organizations will feed people first, then provide housing and then Bible training. Thus, the supernatural people (missionaries) feeds the natural and the natural charity creates an opportunity for more supernatural!   It's a feedback loop. 

There was a lot of theology packed into that last paragraph, so I will leave that for another day...

FOR NOW...JUST CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITIES...ASK, SEEK, KNOCK...

The Unknown Path

Copied from Elizabeth's Inbox (all Rights Reserved, 2012).

More about the Unknown Path October 20, 2012 The Unknown Path's Beginning A few days ago, I headed out on a walking adventure.  I originally thought that my host was going to take me to a flat land for some sheep watching and plant finding.  But he had another idea.  Instead, we headed out to a place near Pontypool, to a series of hills that were once homes to shepherds, then mines, and then nothing.  The area has been basically abandoned except for some roaming sheep and rustic ferns.   A few miles away, there is an abandoned golf course that is now home to a group of Travelers and their caravans, that is next to an old rugby field that a horse lives on. The area where we walked has no name.  The valley has no name.  The path has no name.  The general and much broader area is nicknamed "British" simply because the mine from that area was owned by the British.  All that remains of the area are a few abandoned buildings from the old mine at the base of the hills, some trash left by local people, and a few sheep and rustic ferns. As we set out on our walk, past the abandoned buildings and into the Unknown, I noticed the strangely clear skies, the hues of rust and auburn on the autumn hills, and the clear sound of stillness that is so often known in Wales.  My host commented that he had carved one of the paths to this Unknown place himself, through years of walking this un-named area.  His feet moved along the path that had been made through his own adventuring. In this place of beauty and nature, I could breathe again.  I had needed that opportunity to simply breathe and to simply enjoy a simple outing in the hills.  "Aaah.  So good.  So peaceful.  Aaaah." I have learned that Wales is a land that sings and calls to people from around the world.   Many tourists comment that they felt the "pull" of Wales on their hearts and that it was specific to the land; as if the land of Wales has its own voice and it is calling you by name.  Since my Mom's family is from Wales, I had assumed that the call was specific to our bloodline and heritage.  Yet, traveler after traveler speaks an account of having felt the pull, the calling, and the draw of the land of Wales. Rural legend has a Welsh word for the pull of the land, the memories of the land, and the memories of people since passed.  They call it "Hiraeth"; a word that is largely non-translatable and it is often referred to in terms of stories, history, or song.  You will know it if you have felt it; it is simply the call of the land. Many people of Welsh Origin, who have felt "Hiraeth", talk about the mysteries and history of this ancient nation.  This place, which is currently a Principality of Great Britain, has drawn people of every belief system.  It is a land of saints, pagans, and spiritualists; of writers, bards, and poets.  Everything in the natural order sings, especially the land and the people.  It is nearly impossible to go on a walk, without having a deep encounter with God or the spiritual world (and yes, those can be different things).  I can understand why so much of this place was an inspiration to J.R.R. Tolkein's "Lord of the Rings" book series. As my host and I walked further down the Unknown Path, we happened upon old ruins left from Shepherd's homes, various plants, and then, after cresting a hill, we happened upon a new "Unknown Path".  Immediately, we were immersed in an entirely different eco system that was boggy and full of beech trees, ferns, and moss covered stones (see the bottom right picture for a clearer idea).  It was as if we had walked into the world of the Ents (Lord of the Rings).  If I could spend all day there, I would!  I could write so many poems, so many stories, and so many songs in that place.  Again, it was as if the land was calling, and bidding us to come, sit, and create.  The air was moist, the rocks were softened by green moss, and the air was sparkling.  This land is so marvelous.  I can't think of any place that I have ever been that sparks the imagination quite like this. I simply had to take a moment and breathe in the air, touch the furry moss, and smile.  I felt like I had discovered a hidden paradise, where few have ever walked.  The land sings.  It's Hiraeth had called to me, and I had found the land's treasures in its golden sun, plush fawna, and hidden paths. I continued to marvel at the beauty of the land, and I felt as if the rocks were telling a story.  I tried to think of all of the writer's who had visited Wales' landscapes as inspiration for their great novels and children's books.  But even more, I wondered if "Hiraeth" was one of the many sounds that God made to let people know that we are part of his world, and in his marvelous creation.  He still lives.  Just as an author creates a story full of vivid characters, descriptions, and colours, so we are the vivid images of His creative mind. I enjoy marveling at the wonder of what has been made.  Some people discount God because of the wounds of their life or because of the depravity of evil.  Their minds wrestle with the dark shadows of wounds, betrayals and hurts until they cannot remember the light.  Yet, in a boggy beech forest, I can remember and see God's light from amongst a hidden place on an "Unknown Path".  I can forget my own shadows and hurts and thus remember that God is good, and he calls to us through any means necessary.  It is as if the stones were calling out.  The Creator sings through his creation.  Through traveling the "Uknown Path", I was able to hear the sound of God and resonate with it. When two tuning forks are placed near each other, they will combine to create a single sound.  To draw near to God, his creation, and his creativity, is to come into the frequency of his sound and thus, be united with him.  We harmonize, blend, and then unify in God's resonance.  How wonderous; how quantum; how interesting to consider.  Have you ever asked, if God created through sound (God Spoke...and it was), what was that sound? In a complex world that has issues of its own, we all face this choice: to see God as good and be unified with him, or to see ourselves as the only solution and thus be separate from God.  It is true, that to be in union with God is costly, non-trendy, and may not even make you popular inside the church (depending on where you go) or outside of the church (depending on who is in your life).  The path to union with God is narrow, and few find it and pursue it. Yet, the rewards of diligently seeking God, his goodness, and our role in the "Unknown Path" are extravagant and simple: to experience heavenly bliss, here on earth amidst the contrast of this world's shadows, failings, and hardships.  We have all heard that prayer, "Thy will be done on Earth, as it is in heaven".  It is possible that his will is for us to experience His true goodness, restoration, hope, possibilities, and more, while alive on this Earth.  I don't believe that we have to wait for heaven as a distant and far off reality.  Heaven is to be brought to earth. And in that boggy beech forest, I could remember, see, hear, and touch a piece of heaven.  For that moment, on that Unknown Path, I was in tune with God and it was good. My journey through life continues past its many and significant traumas and difficulties, towards those moments of life and light.  It is my choice to persevere on the "Unknown Path".  I am simply a traveler on this strange journey of hills and valleys and hidden places.  Yet my heart will always desire all that is good, right, and peaceful. May we each be blessed today with a wondrous experience of God's goodness on today's Unknown Path. Sincerely, Elizabeth Lewis Author & Advocate P.S. Questions about God? Click on that link.

Love - "Eye Know It"

The thing about being in another country, within another culture, is that I can quickly see that love is more than an idea, it is an exchange and an experience.  When love is present, everything seems to work.  When love is absent, hidden or repressed; everything seems to contort into pain, discomfort, or even insecurity.  But how do I know if I am loved?

Good question.  I don't have an immediate or scientific analysis for how I know if I am loved.  I guess that I simply "know" it.  Let's think about it further and let's get specific.

The last time you met someone at work or church or at home, as people, we immediately greet or avoid each other.  A flurry of information is passed between our senses, our biology, our posture, our words, and our presence. Within those first few moments, a person can quickly deduce a lot of information, such as: do they like me, are they happy to see me, are we on good terms?  etc...

All of that information happens in a quick moment.  And in that moment, we can often determine whether or not we are loved and loving.

Love as a Science & Creator

In the age of scientific discovery, some have found that love can be biologically, chemically, and electrically measured.  There are so many studies on this, I will contain it to one.

Dr. Amen, a forerunner in brain analysis, is doing some groundbreaking work that scientifically proves the importance of love attachments towards healthy brain function. Dr. Amen actually scans the brain to discover whether or not a person has had a drug issue, trauma, depression, or other brain injuries.  A lack of love is considered to cause a brain injury!!

Check out his talk about love as a drug (substance): Dr. Amen Talks About Love or his book that talks about the impact of emotional trauma on the brain and relationships.

Love is also a creative force.  I believe that love is as real as carbon, hydrogen, amino acids or any other building block for creation--it is both tangible and measurable and it is also flexible in the unique ways that love combines us with people, places, memories, and experiences.  Love, as a substance is something that our brain translates (biological basis of love) and our heart absorbs.

Consequently, love is a fundamental building block that reflects both our scientific and creative origins and could be viewed as the tangible experience of our Creator.

"Eye Know It" 

So how do we communicate love?  Yes, there are the "5 Love Languages" that Dr. Gary Chapman talks about.  But more simply, love and acceptance are transferred from your eye to my eye, through eye contact (citation from "Thrive Recovery"). 

We can give and receive love as quickly as an electrical impulse passes from your eye to my eye, 6 times per second or so (ibid).  It can be that fast!  Love is simple, biological, spiritual, and emotional and is all wrapped up in a little packet of information that flies from my brain, through my eye, to your eye, and back through your brain.  If I have love in my heart, you will see it.  If you have love for me, I will see it.  Our brains will complete all of the other details.

Disclaimer: there are clearly more than one way we can receive the biology of love, which is why people who are blind can give and receive love.  I am simply keeping this topic simple and broad and so am focusing on eye-to-eye contact.

Oh, and I was just listening to another study that indicated that the electrical rhythms of the heart are strong enough to change our brain's patterns.  But again, the science around this is all new, so I will leave you to your own research.

Love & God

As a person who believes that God is love, this puts my faith into very simple and plain terms.  If there is love in my heart, you will SEE it.  Your eyes will receive it, your brain will interpret it, and depending on your internal health, your heart will feel it.

So lets be plain.  Either you will see that I love you or and I will see that you love me, or we won't.  But deep down, we will each KNOW the difference. That doesn't mean that our brain stops thinking once a signal is sent.  For example, some people see love, but turn it into passion whereas others see interpret love as codepency etc.  But again, this blog post is going to remain simple so I won't go into that right now.

Love as a Currency

It is interesting to note that my capacity for love will determine my ability to share love.  The more I have, the more I can give.  The less I have, the less I can give.  Thus, what I have, I share.  It is unlikely that I can give more love than I myself have experienced.

For example, let's use an illustration with money.  If I have 100 coins, I can share 100 coins.  If you want 200 coins, I either have to borrow from someone else or owe you a debt.  Either way, the difference has to come from somewhere (my pocket, your pocket, or someone else's pocket).

I believe that love is also a currency that we trade in.  If you want all of my love, you will expect me to have the capacity to meet your needs.  However, if I am deficient in love, then I either owe you more or need to rely on someone else to meet your need.  The benefit of faith, is that if we are each connected to God as our primary source of love, we have an eternal supply.  If we do not have the benefit of faith, then we must rely on the limited capacity around us to supply us with love.  Either way, the choice of currency is ours.

This is why love is not just about individuals: we are inter-dependent.  Just think of massive amounts of love-transactions that occur on earth every day.  If every person sees 1 person per day...that is...well...it is BILLIONS of transactions.  That is a massive exchange. 

If we withdraw and deposit love, it has to originate from somewhere or someone.  This, again, is why I believe that God is love.  Part of our created design is to receive love (debit) from God, and send it to someone else (credit).  They feed it back to us, and it returns to God.  This is the whole nature of "Royal Law": Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself. It is a give-give-give scenario.  With God in the equation, there is an endless supply and an abundance.  Without God, there is a serious lack.

Love creates love who feeds love back to the Creator.  It's a feedback loop!

Love can also be SIMPLE

Here is a simple statement: I will know you by your love.  Never mind your degrees, your philosophies, your doctrine, your accomplishments, your social status, your money, or your prestige, my brain and my eyes will know you by the love you communicate to me.

So let's practice!  The next time I see you or you see me, let's try this: let's intentionally think of love and make eye contact.  I agree, it might sound silly at first, but I am up for the risk.  Maybe just remind me first :)

Because I really am beginning to believe that love is simple (possibly rare), but altogether simple: LOVE JUST IS.  Either you we love or we don't.  I hope we do.  Because I need love, and I am fairly certain that you do too.

If we want to see anything change in this world, we must understand that love is a building block of our faith, our universe, and our basic identity.  It seems like a good time to practice!  Because love is more than an idea, it is an exchange and an experience of Being.

Trauma Triggers & Plumbing

Anyone who has survived trauma knows that the recovery process is dynamic, not linear.  As moments lead to hours and hours lead to days and days to weeks and weeks to months and months to years and years to decades, trauma recovery will weave its own story.  It is a healing journey (unless an awesome miracle is experienced).

Survivors know that there are depths that trauma, trauma recall, and triggers can plunge you into, at unexpected intervals with varying degrees of flux and intensity.  Triggers are not always predictable, nor do they necessarily impede daily functioning.  Sometimes triggers are explicit, other times they are implicit.  Trauma reminders are like bumps and blips and barricades that a survivor learns to integrate into one's life and process, just like any other impairment.

A life of healing is like walking in a world full of hurdles to the point that hurdles are normal.  As such, survivors of trauma have frequent choices to make: do I sit down and cry, do I jump over this hurdle, do I ignore it, or do I master it?  How will I run my race?

REMEMBER: We have choices about how to handle the hurdles; we do not have choices about what the hurdles are or how often we are reminded of them.  Being victimized is not your fault, but you still need to live and then live to thrive.

This blog is about some of the basic triggers people with trauma face: small, medium, and large triggers.  I will use some plumbing analogies so that we each have a similar frame of reference.

DISCLAIMER: This blog is neither clinical nor legal nor professional.  I am not a licensed therapist and am not responsible for you.  I am simply speaking from my own experience.  You are responsible for your own actions, thoughts, opinions etc.

Let's talk about triggers with the help of analogies taken from basic plumbing...

LEAKY-FAUCET TRIGGERS:

Sometimes a trauma trigger can be a slow drip, like a leaky faucet.  As a trauma survivor, you are aware of the drip; you can sense it and feel it, you know where it is dripping from, but it might not be enough to immediately tend to.  Instead, the steady "drip...drip......drip...drip....." is incorporated into your daily rhythm.  At times, it chafes your psyche, at other times, it becomes a rhythm that one can drum a tune to.  Either way, the drip is there!  It is a subtle reminder that an experience is still tied to the present.  It is what it is.

Sometimes a drip is a specific memory (explicit) or a sensory recall, such as the reminder of a sound or a smell or a song or a place.  Recently, I was visiting someone in a hospital, and being there, I could remember so many previous memories, long ago.  Every time I visited at the hospital, it was a drip...drip....

Other times, a drip can be a vague sense of unease, something that is tied to an implicit memory.  These are harder to pinpoint because it is a qualitative experience, not a quantitative one.  It is a moment of "knowing a feeling, not knowing the source".  These drips spill out onto the countertop of our daily lives and leave a bit more of an unsightly mess.  Sometimes, people feel "ruffled" or "unsettled" on days with an implicit memory drip.  It is as if a disturbance is rippling through their day.  These drips are dangerous when left unattended, because they can easily grow into something much bigger.

It is in these times, that it is imperative to take a moment of quiet, and focus on joy. Joy builds up strength that I can then use as a reserve of positive energy that counter-balances the unease that can slowly accumulate through a steady drip of implicit feelings.  Take a personal time out, and feel the sun on your face, breathe the fresh air.   Just breathe.  "This too shall pass..."

BACK-UP-AND-GET-THE-PLUNGER TRIGGERS:

Then there are the days when a trauma trigger is like a toilet backing up.  These stinky messes are often inconvenient and involve a burst of backlogged mess that one erringly thought were already dealt with and flushed out of the system.  But, how wrong can one person be?  Clearly, one was wrong because the issues are gurgling to the surface in an unpleasant and unwanted manner.   And frankly, the memories and emotions STINK!

I can think of many examples when this has occurred.  It could be a warm, summer day and suddenly, an implicit memory or implicit feeling surfaces, and I can feel downright horrible (like indigestion).  Sometimes the back-up appears simply as a general blah.  Other times, it is more acute, with feelings of loneliness, isolation, or disapproval.

Don't discount the age-old HALT principle: check to see if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.  If so, deal with the simple matters first.  Then, when you have a moment, sit and rest in a safe or silent place (for some, this is the bathroom).  This is a great time to use some breathing techniques and allow oneself to get centred again.  Focus on knowing where God is, and connect with Him.  This is key!

Being quiet and still can often be enough to restore myself from an experience with implicit memory back-up.  At other times, a bit more maintenance work is required, such as: debriefing, counsel, exercise, journaling, or another form of processing and moving larger amounts of stored up energy (kinetic).

CALL-IN-THE-PROFESSIONALS-THIS-THING-IS-LEAKING-EVERYWHERE TRIGGERS:

No matter how long a person has been on their healing journey, there can still be major triggers and major leaks.  It is at those times, when it appears that all of your best efforts are futile and that water is leaking EVERYWHERE.  It is times like this, when calling in some skilled help is the best idea.  These major triggers, in my experience, can occur when something else major occurs such as a family illness, health issue, change in housing, career challenges, relationship drama etc.

Most people who have experienced trauma have already been building a system of support through friends, family, counsellors, prayer teams etc.  When your emotions or implicit memories are pouring forward, reach out and call someone.  An outside person can bring perspective and relief that is much needed; they are an anchor point that you can refer to in order to find your bearings, make a plan, and carry forward.

A good listener is key!  This is someone who can empathize and empower you; not someone who is distracted, codependent, or highly judgemental.  Choose your support system wisely.  There are not many things more egregious than going through a trauma with a shoddy support system or with people who simply add their crap to your crap.  You need people who have integrity, joy, and resources.  You also need people who are not in crisis themselves.  Two drowning people are not likely to stay afloat together.

I've learned many lessons when choosing my own support system.  Here is a quick list of characteristics of people that I have found unhelpful versus helpful:

UNHELPFUL: People who gossip, mock, belittle, or are highly insecure themselves.  If you hear someone who is gossiping about their family or friends, you have a pretty good indication that they will do the same thing with you.  BACK AWAY!!  You need someone who will stay "safe" for you by keeping your confidence.  Also, please be aware of whether or not your support people are secure or insecure (generally).  If you have an insecure-support-person, they cannot provide any consistent presence and this, implicitly, can be both unhelpful and potentially harmful to you.  If you are recovering from trauma or are in a crisis, you need people who are both loving AND secure.  This is for your wellbeing.

HELPFUL: People who are secure, calm, and loving.  If you hear someone say, "I don't know how to respond but I am willing to find a way"...then you are in a good spot.  A helpful listener is someone who listens, but doesn't carry it themselves.  They know how to release things to God.  That way, they stay healthy enough to be an available listener to you over the long haul (and trauma usually heals over the looooong haul).  If the listener cannot release what they hear, it is possible that your crap will stick, and then you will have two people who will need help.  So, remember to find and to value a good listener.  Express your appreciation to them.

LIVING THE HEALING JOURNEY

I haven't met anyone who has experienced significant trauma who is "all healed".  In fact, what I see are survivors who learn to thrive.  They are simply people who have applied wisdom, truth, and healing (primarily through Jesus), to learn how to process drips, leaks, and blowouts.

So manage your expectations.  Allow yourself a lifetime of healing, discovering hope, gaining joy and so on.  Life is an adventure, see where it will take you.

Start today, and build your support system and healthy living techniques before a problem ever starts.  Ask yourself:

- Do you have enough "know how" to identify a drip?
- Do you have enough skills built to deal with a leak?
- Do you have the proper support system to assist in reorienting you, in the event a major catastrophe occurs?

If not, start building the proper structure today.  If Nehemiah didn't rebuild Jerusalem in a day (a city devastated by destruction), then why would you expect to be rebuilt in a day?  I still believe in miracles, but until a miracle happens, there is the slow reparative work that comes with making a plan, getting assistance, and rebuilding your walls brick-by-brick.

Do you need help making a plan?

Send me a note through Facebook, and I can connect you to various resources in Edmonton or Calgary.  Alternately, you can talk to your local pastor or counselling centre and ask for more info.

www.Facebook.com/Elizabeths.Inbox

If everyone is willing to heal, then our community will be rebuilt...