Pain versus Joy -- "The Hourglass of Recovery"

For those who regularly follow my blog and posts (500 readers per month at the moment), you know that I primarily write about two topics: Faith and Surviving Sexual Abuse.  For me, those topics are intertwined because when you deal with Sexual Abuse you will also be faced with the larger-than-life-questions.

Recently, I felt inspired to write a new post about the recovery process and recovery limits from sexual abuse.  This is a process very few people talk about publicly, and when it is discussed, it is discussed in vague terms.  For me, healing comes from personal connection, not from vague terms.  So I offer less vague and more personal connection!

I was inspired to write this post because of how many survivors whom I have recently talked to.  Many suffer deep rooted shame and rejection, even if people say they love them.  Listening to them and thinking of my own story, I then realized...hey...most people suffer through their recovery in shame and isolation.  That isn't right!  We need to pop the isolation bubble and let victims be honoured!!

So let's continue the dialogue.

The Ceiling of Recovery

Did you know that there is a ceiling to recovery?  I didn't.  But apparently, medical research shows that early life trauma can permanently disable confidence, stability etc.  According to certain researchers, there are limits to trauma recovery.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I have likely progressed as far as anyone can who has my serious history of abuse.  In other words, according to medicine, this is as good as it gets.  Both my counselors and my physician are actually quite proud of my recovery.  It would seem that I have been blessed with more healing than the 'norm'.  Thank GOD!

Fortunately for me, I know people who specialize in trauma.  They tell me, that where most people hit a ceiling, they have found the next step to recovery.  Again, thank GOD!  (relief and joy inserted here).

In other words, I still have a chance at a full life with joy and THRIVING.  

So now what?

Is that the end of my healing journey?  Absolutely not!  There are massive breakthroughs in faith, therapy, neuro-science, prayer and so on.  I get regular reports of healings that are seeing medical impossibilities become transformational possibilities.  My favourite stories are of survivors from war or abuse who have been miraculously healed from PTSD.  Woo!  Pass that good news around :)

My support network has had mixed reactions to this medical news.  Some were sad while others were empathetic and understood that medicine has its limits when coming to treat emotional trauma.  The faith community is by far the MOST supportive of my continued health recovery and improvement.  

Others expressed concern because they knew my intellectual and professional potential is not being utilized because of the deterioration caused by abuse and the memory recall process.  I understand their perspectives, because I have had to grieve all of those losses too. 

Fortunately, pain pathways are not my life's definition.  It is just a tremendous obstacle.  One day, it might even be a trophy!

I am blessed to now have a peace that comes from being in the present.  If this level of healing is all that is mine, I am grateful, even though I will seek more healing.  As long as I am on this Earth, I will be hungry for more goodness, peace, fullness, and wholeness.

Why talk about these things?

Abuse creates isolation; writing & speaking creates awareness and helps to build community.  It is my leading and intention to continue being an Advocate, Public Speaker, and Writer to bring about awareness of the recovery process from sexual abuse.  This is a work in progress.

Topic of Pain in Recovery

So let's talk about the bare bones truth.  Recovery is painful, sometimes excruciating.  At the basement of pain, is a true rock bottom.  It is a desolate place full of uncertainty and confusion.  You move to the left--there is pain; you move to the right--there is pain.  A true rock bottom is merciless.

At that place of reckoning, a person often has to decide if they have even enough energy or will to allow the idea that there is a possibility that there might be a hope to have the will to keep trying.  Even the will to get back up might seem more than possible.  

From the ashes we rise (photo, NOT the content, from HERE)

A rock bottom is sobering on all levels.  Old techniques for feeling good won't work (Behaviors, People, Events etc).  Everything can appear bleak--that is how you can tell it is a bottom.

The benefit of a true rock bottom is that you can only go up.  At the bottom of life's hourglass, you earn a new perspective.  You gain the opportunity to see the whole of your worldview as it is, rather than how you wish it was.  Then, a person can start to make decisions such as the choice to survive.  Thriving usually has to wait.

Take a look at the photo posted to the right.  These hands represent the ones who choose to get up again; it is the effort and the human will to survive, even when drowning.  In this photo, I see pain and suffering, but I also see the triumph of the overcoming nature of our spirit.  We want to survive.

To me, that picture would look a lot better with a helping hand coming down from above!  

Faith Required

Tattoo art by Gabriellexx (Original HERE)

It is through faith that a person gains true life again.  In any recovery program (hurts, habits etc), faith is part of the 12 steps.  You cannot heal without God.  Any person in healing knows that.

To the left, you can see an image of an hourglass with death on the bottom versus life on the top.  Notice the cross--a key symbol of faith.  Notice how you feel when you see the skull versus seeing the cross.  One symbol emphasizes death; whereas the other symbol (even though the cross was initially a symbol of death) is now a symbol of life.

When I was at my true rock-bottom, just like that skull in the drawing, I needed to choose if I was going to win or lose.  I remember having a vision of my world as darkness.  I saw God intervening and putting one little speck of light through that darkness a great distance away.  In that moment of vision, I resolved that as long as I had breathe in my lungs, I would take steps until I had approached that light and until that light consumed my vision.  That vision still motivates me today, 10 years later.  I choose life, light, and hope.

During the past 10 years, I've seen plenty of healings and miracles, including:  seeing addicts completely healed to sobriety in an instant of prayer (and some have testified to having been healed and sober for over 30 years), limbs growing to normal lengths, teeth transformed, hearts mended, hearing restored, surgical metal disappearing, and cancer cured.  In these things, I have become rich with faith, and richer in experience.

So what about my experience with darkness, despair, and the torments of abuse memories?  The answer is that those things were being worked out in direct contrast to the light and miracles I was seeing. Faith, was necessary for my healing.  It allowed me to see God, experience hope, and the courage to progress towards my redemption.

I am now firmly convinced that my personal and greatest miracle is the sense of relationship and healing that occurs in my heart when I connect to our Creator, through Jesus, and awaken again.  The symbol of the cross heals me, inspires me, and provides me with a path from death to life.  Some of my humanist and atheist friends think that my faith is ignorance.  But for me, faith has given me life and continues to give me what knowledge never could--LIFE!

How does one transition from pain to joy?

This question has been at the core of my personal and spiritual research for the past 10+ years.  I have been 'hungry' for joy and have searched high and low for the way, the means, and the method of a return to joy. 

What have I found?  I have discovered that joy is spiritual and physical.  We need spiritual joy through meaning and connection to our spiritual source; we also need physical joy through physical health, healthy relationships, a stable environment etc.

The key method for me, has been Immanuel prayer technique, taught in combination with "THRIVE Recovery".  Through the THRIVE recovery model, I am learning that joy is an actual substance within the brain.  Researchers have learned that joy is the key to recovering from pain.  THRIVE Recovery is a program that teaches:

When your life is more painful and out-of-control than you like, find the skills to bring you to peace and joy...Trauma weakens your brain’s control center...Strategic spiritual and mental training restarts your life....a state of the art training program that combines neuroscience (brain) research, relational community, Biblical principles and prayer dialogue with our Creator to develop us into healthy, mature, healed people who THRIVE! This is a program like no other, and it can't be compared to other systems! (THRIVE Recovery: http://www.thrivingrecovery.org/about.php)

Joy Trumps Pain

I have learned that it is through 'joy' that Jesus endured the cross.  So joy, according to the Gospels, is something that propels us past the worst tortures of pain and torment, isolation and suffering.  Joy trumps pain!

Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2, ESV)

Jesus, was despised, rejected, and acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). Yet, he spoke of abundant life, joy, peace, hope, and assurance.  He contained the paradox of both pain and joy, while offering his solution as our 'salvation'.  So yes, for me, Jesus' solution was necessary for the power to begin recovery.

My next statement will shock a few--but Jesus is not the entirety of healing.  Jesus sent the Comforter, but he also built a people who heal too.  We each need 'Jesus in flesh'--COMMUNITY.  I need people to teach me about love, joy, peace, and acceptance, to replace what was robbed from me through abuse, rejection, mockery, and betrayal.

It is somewhat like relational replacement.  What was robbed, must be restored at least 10 times.  For every abuser, I need a group of good people to replace that defilement.  

I cannot heal alone

I cannot, and will not be healed outside of a strong, loving, and nurturing community.

Simon & Garfunkel were famous for singing "I am a rock, I am island".  Today, when I hear that song all I can think is 'wow, talk about a strong case of denial'.  No one is an island.  Our pain isolates us, but we are never in actual or complete isolation.  Even an island is surrounded by an ocean that is teaming with life.  We are never alone.  We just need the skills, the resources, and the help to reconnect outside of the pain (which is the isolator).

Furthermore, because we were born in relationship and physically birthed out of an act of intimacy, we are incapable of being alone.  From unity we were conceived, and for unity we live.

So what is recovery?

I often hear it said that people recover from sexual abuse.  I still have not heard a clear definition of what recovery looks like.  So for now, I don't have an answer.  

Instead, I have a direction.  I direct myself towards an eternal identity, and take steps until my temporary experience catches up.  For example, if my eternal identity says that "I am more than a conqueror", and my temporary experience says that "I am defeated", then I simply take intentional steps from defeat to conquering.

I don't think that there is a certain point in the healing journey that says, "Congratulations, you are now recovered."  So for now, I take it step by step.  

The Hourglass of Recovery

"As sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives" (queue the soap opera music from "Days of Our Lives").

We rise, we fall, and we do it all over again.  I now see life more like a spiral than a straight line.  We progress, in a continuum, around each bend.  Some bends look just like the places we have been before, but because of time and space, we know that we can never be in the exact same place ever again.  Consequently, everything is cyclical

As long as I breathe, I can lose my breathe.  This is the vulnerability of being alive.  The goal is to be intentional and willing to do whatever it takes to catch one's breathe again, until breathe is gone from this life.

God is my goal, faith is my means, and loving community is my aide.  Together, with loving, safe, and secure community, I might, just might...THRIVE.



"Keep Your Love On!" by www.LovingOnPurpose.com:

A powerful person says, "I am going to be okay no matter what you do.  You can hurt me, but you cannot make me turn my love off.  I am relentlessly going to do what I have to do to protect my connection with you, no matter what."  When you can say and do this in the face of fear, mistakes and pain, you have already won the battle between fear and love. (Danny & Sheri Silk, 2013)

Observations from 15 Years of Studying Mysticism and Conventionalism

2012 was specifically a year of travel and visiting various groups of mystics.  Nevertheless, 2012 was only one out of fifteen years of my spiritual and religious studies, both informally and formally.

I have visited, studied, and participated in both the mystical and the conventional branches of those who say they love Jesus.  I have sat in Orthodox pews, Catholic prayer halls, mystical gold clouds, and seen people's teeth turn gold right in front of me.  I have made many observations, but one major conclusion.  

This blog discusses both the observations and the major conclusion from 15 years of study.

OBSERVATIONS:

- The Orthodox Church in Canada is amazingly mystical (mysticism is defined as the experience of God). I witnessed miracles in the Edmonton Orthodox church.

- The Pentecostal church can be shockingly conventional (those who profess to believe in a powerful God but are unwilling to pray for healing, miracles or anything supernatural)

- Our nationality plays a major role in our translation of love, the experience of God, and the conventions of our faith.  I learned this the hard way when travelling to places who are rather "muted" in their expressions of love to one another.  That doesn't mean that they do not love; but it does mean that love is a language that often requires a translator!

- There is a burgeoning group of Christians in every denomination who think as Kingdom people, not as nationalists nor denominationalists.  These are the ones to watch, for some fun Christianity.

- Each person's emotional and relational health has a strong correlation to their spiritual development.  Those with love, inheritance, and security are more able to connect and relate with God, than those who are broken, confused, or wounded.

- Exponential--those who have and given blessings, get exponentially more, whereas, those with hurts and trauma, get exponentially hurt and depressed.  

I could go on and on…but let's get back on point.  Here are two reasons that I write this blog:

1) Clearly I enjoy the mystical, the mysterious and the quantum side of God and His Kingdom and I will continue to write about it, perpetuate it, grow in it etc.  Those of you who also enjoy this, read my blog, have invited me to speak etc.

2) The realization, that if the mystical experience of God is devoid of practical and measurable love (the kind of love people can rely on and the kind of love that perseveres, covers, and blesses), then without tangible love, all of the mysticism is still just "noise" (noise is explained in 1 Cor 13).

The second point was extremely shocking to me to come to terms with.  For, if I can prophesy, speak in tongues, and raise the dead, but I do not have the matching (and greater) love/charity that 'SHOULD' go with it…then my mystical experience is no more authentic than the guy trading pigeons in the temple.

SHOCK SHOCK SHOCK.

You mean, I can move mountains and have missed the target?  I can walk through time, space, and the heavenlies, but miss the point altogether? Ya, I know that the Word talks about this, but for some reason, the impact hit me in a new way, all over again.  So I have been humbled, shocked, and awed that my attempt at reaching the heavens, could still be 'iniquity' (defined by he or she who does what is right in their own eyes).

SOBERING REALITY CHECK.

Now I am not going to throw out the mystical baby with the conventional bath water simply because I don't understand how it all works together.  Clearly, I need the left hand and the right hand to work together.

What I do have is a "Love Litmus Test".  For me, I can tell if I am loving or unloving when I measure my reaction to jerks.  JERKS are the biggest indicator of my ability or inability to love accurately.  I have had a few jerks in my life (extortion, betrayal, slander, abuse etc).  Those people really know how to grind my gears!  Arg, I can't stand the harm that they have caused me.  JERKS!

And yet, THOSE very "jerks" are the ones I am called to love, just as much as I am called to love the people I actually like.  GAH!  Why are the jerks in my life the very ones who are teaching me about my own love-limits?

Oooooo, that can be frustrating and they can be frustrating too.  But you know me.  I am always looking for the optimistic turn around to take a negative against me into a positive for me.  And I must do the same with those jerks!

I will win by learning to love the jerks who stole, robbed, defiled, humiliated, and scorned me.  They are now my love-litmus test.  If I can love them, then I can love.

BACK TO MYSTICISM & CONVENTIONALITY

Many of my friends are mystics and Wild Ones, while many more of my friends are conventional and as tame as a sheep on a Welsh hill.  The point is this: whether they are wild or tame; nice or jerk-ish; mine or yours; European or Canadian...all are one in Jesus.  At least, that is what my Bible tells me.  In reality, many of us are still separating one from another.

It is time for change.  It is time to participate in the culture of love that "covers" people, not separates them.  It is time for letting the wheat and the weed grow together, and let it sort out in the end.  

Are we there yet?  I am not sure that I am.  Sadly, I am still working on loving the jerks in my life.   I need both the mystical and the conventional branches of my faith community to teach me how to love those who are seemingly impossible to love.  Sometimes, that even includes myself.

MAJOR CONCLUSION:  

Convention and Mysticism are both necessary in order for us to love accurately from Heaven to Earth

Convention gives us family, homes, function, form, roles, relationships etc (this leads to a positive mental health).  Mysticism gives us adventure, possibilities, dreams, invention, and invigoration (which we need for positive mental health).  Both convention and mysticism are necessary for each other to function and grow.  Generally speaking, convention offers maturity in love (stability, safety etc), while mysticism offers healing, quantum, kingdom and miracles.

BOTH CONVENTION AND THE MYSTICAL ARE NEEDED, BECAUSE WE ARE NOT YET ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE (even if Paul managed it, I have not yet met anyone else who can).

Just to throw an additional card into the hand, consider this: the Christian God is Triune (3 bodies, 1 essence).  If our God is so complex, then why do we expect ourselves to be anything less?  We may have many denominational bodies...but surely we can be of ONE ESSENCE!!!

So my Dear Dear Mystic friends--go hug a Conventionalist today and learn about the rudiments of love.

My Dear Dear Conventional friends--go hear a story from a Mystic today and learn about how wide and deep and expansive God's Kingdom is with its miracles, phenomena, and possibilities.

Let's show each other love and blessing; rather than focus on the things that we simply do not understand in one another.

ADDITIONAL CONCLUSION:

We are part of a blended Christian family who has been divorced and remarried thousands of denominational times;
it is time that we embrace it by embracing each other!

Angelic in Aberdeen

Family, Friends, and the Intrigued,

(excerpts from an email sent on December 16, 2012)

Well, ABERDEEN has been quite the adventure.  When I arrived, there was such an experience of joy and light.  I received several looks of shock and amazement from people on the street.  I have seen that look before; it happens when I am "radiating". Depending on who you ask, I might have actually been glowing.  I was happy and wanted to take a photo to show how I was feeling at this point on the trip (photo attached).  I was amazed when the photo showed me in light (the pic was taken in a dimly lit hotel room and the photo didn't make sense to the room's lighting; it should have been darker and shown the walls behind me).

I went out, picked up some chicken and headed back to the hotel.  That is when things changed (evil has an intentionally dark intelligence against our weakest points).  There was a situation with the man on night duty, and the result was that I was no longer feeling safe in my hotel room.  No details are required, suffice it to say that it was not a good scenario.

So I had decisions to make.  How do I respond?  Do I call the police?  What about the manager, where is his number?  Was the man a threat or was this just a trigger?  What is the wise response when I was alone in my hotel, at midnight, in a strange city?

I made some quick responses, jammed the lock in the door, barricaded it, and then I reached out to a few Christians for prayer.  These people were from various countries around the world. 

Even though the people I reached out to didn't know each other, they EACH responded in unity that they felt that I was safe and that my room was full of angels.  Oh really?  At that moment, I could only feel the pounding of my heart in my chest.  Thankfully, with all I have seen and heard about the past 5 years, I am open to experiencing God and the angelic.  So with my door locked, I tucked safely in my hotel bed and I prayed: "God, if other people say that there are angels in my room, let me see it too." 

I immediately had a picture of a massive angel hovering above and behind me (I was curled up on my side).  Then I had a sensation of a hand on my back (providing safety). I felt a glow and a warm shiver all over.  The 'glow' was so amazing, that I just revelled in the experience and asked for a 'second dose'.  It was so exciting that I mused, "so that is what people were talking about when they experienced a 'heavenly' touch".  It was pure ambrosia.  My spirit, soul, and body relaxed. 

While praying for the ability to connect with the angelic (in the way that everyone had mentioned was occurring), I also had a very practical moment where I decided--I would tell management about the inappropriate encounter in the morning. The natural and supernatural work in tandem.

So let's refer back to the "angelic activity".  While I was experiencing that warm glow, I took a deep breathe to calm my heart rate................and then............

................in a blink of an eye, it was morning.  LITERALLY.  Just like that; one breathe, and it was morning.

What happened to the time in between?  Usually I remember falling asleep, having dreams, rolling over, fluffing the pillows etc.  But in this case, I simply "skipped" all of that.  It was as if one moment I was awake, experiencing the angelic, and the next thing, *POOF*--it was early morning.

Even though what woke me was unpleasant (the neighbours were having vigorous and graphic relations), I had awakened in peace.  The peace did not diminish my need for practical order & justice; I was still determined to report the events to management.  But I had peace!  For me, that was a miracle!

As I write, the church Elder spoke out to me, "Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid",  John 14:27). 

Even though darkness had attempted to overtake me, God's light still shone.  In fact, the next day, when I attended an African Church in Aberdeen, the Elder's wife reported that she thought I was visibly "glowing".  She felt compelled to meet me.  She, and many others had confirmed that they thought I was "glowing".  To me, this is just more phenomena on an otherwise banal day. It is as if God is more visible against the backdrop of the earthen.

DOES THE SUPERNATURAL AND ANGELIC ACTUALLY HAPPEN? 

For the past 4 or 5 years, I have been investigating the supernatural in greater detail.  I have met people who have shared their own experiences with God, the angelic, and so on.  There are numerous reports that people have seen wounds restored, people getting healed of cancer, blood disorders, and various other illnesses.  I've also met people who profess to have seen the dead raised to life (including in Africa, Pakistan, and Northern California).

It seems to me that the universe, God-created, is as vast and mysterious as God is.  If God is spirit, and we have God's image, than we can anticipate and experience God.  I call these events, whether practical or mysterious, as "supernatural". 

God is able to do "above and beyond all that we could ask or think".  Just go to a movie--there is a LOT that any of us can ask or think about.  So why do we limit God?  If he can do more than anything I could ask for, I might as well ask BIG!  I asked to see the angelic in Aberdeen, and in this experience, I think I did.

It is easy to get caught up in trendy humanism and secularism, particularly in Canada.  But I keep my attitude simple--if God is alive (and I believe God is alive), and God created ALL things, then even the mundane or the miraculous can reveal God.  I am not afraid to look, to ask, to seek; thus, I am open to considering the weird, the wacky, and the wonderful as part of the creative expressions of God.  In fact, it is quite fun.

DO I HAVE MORE STORIES ABOUT THE SUPERNATURAL? 

Oh yes!  There are loads of stories.  I have begun to collect stories of healings, miracles, and conversions en masse (such as an entire town of people being changed by the appearance of Jesus in all of the town's dreams). 

Some of these phenomenons I have witnessed in person, throughout my travels; some of these phenomenons my friends and colleagues have personally witnessed. It is a dynamic time to be a Christian!     

There are vast groups of Christians around the world who are moving in the supernatural, under the radar of most mainstream churches.  You can distinguish them by the volume of joy and love that many of them exude that far exceeds many traditional groups. 

The supernatural Christians tend to embrace people with tremendous joy and love, including people who have otherwise been rejected by mainstream groups. 

Some of these "Wild Ones" (Christians experiencing God's power in the present) are trans-relocating, walking through walls, walking out of prisons, bypassing dangers and seeing life restored in people's spirit, soul, and body.  Alberta even has some of these stories.

WHY DOES THE SUPERNATURAL MATTER?

For some people, the supernatural doesn't matter.  They are happy with their world of stock markets, bureaucracy, routine, monotonous church and stability.  But they are the minority within a shrinking demographic.   

In reality, most people have glaring needs that they need filled (both naturally and supernaturally).  More than 50% of the world is living on $2.50 per day (Global Issues), with 26.3% of the world's total population being under the age of 14 (Index Mundi).   If there is one thing we know about children--it is that they are not afraid to ask or think for great things!  They are dreamers...

Children and families first need sustenance then significance and then the supernatural.  Oftentimes, missions organizations will feed people first, then provide housing and then Bible training. Thus, the supernatural people (missionaries) feeds the natural and the natural charity creates an opportunity for more supernatural!   It's a feedback loop. 

There was a lot of theology packed into that last paragraph, so I will leave that for another day...

FOR NOW...JUST CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITIES...ASK, SEEK, KNOCK...

The Unknown Path

Copied from Elizabeth's Inbox (all Rights Reserved, 2012).

More about the Unknown Path October 20, 2012 The Unknown Path's Beginning A few days ago, I headed out on a walking adventure.  I originally thought that my host was going to take me to a flat land for some sheep watching and plant finding.  But he had another idea.  Instead, we headed out to a place near Pontypool, to a series of hills that were once homes to shepherds, then mines, and then nothing.  The area has been basically abandoned except for some roaming sheep and rustic ferns.   A few miles away, there is an abandoned golf course that is now home to a group of Travelers and their caravans, that is next to an old rugby field that a horse lives on. The area where we walked has no name.  The valley has no name.  The path has no name.  The general and much broader area is nicknamed "British" simply because the mine from that area was owned by the British.  All that remains of the area are a few abandoned buildings from the old mine at the base of the hills, some trash left by local people, and a few sheep and rustic ferns. As we set out on our walk, past the abandoned buildings and into the Unknown, I noticed the strangely clear skies, the hues of rust and auburn on the autumn hills, and the clear sound of stillness that is so often known in Wales.  My host commented that he had carved one of the paths to this Unknown place himself, through years of walking this un-named area.  His feet moved along the path that had been made through his own adventuring. In this place of beauty and nature, I could breathe again.  I had needed that opportunity to simply breathe and to simply enjoy a simple outing in the hills.  "Aaah.  So good.  So peaceful.  Aaaah." I have learned that Wales is a land that sings and calls to people from around the world.   Many tourists comment that they felt the "pull" of Wales on their hearts and that it was specific to the land; as if the land of Wales has its own voice and it is calling you by name.  Since my Mom's family is from Wales, I had assumed that the call was specific to our bloodline and heritage.  Yet, traveler after traveler speaks an account of having felt the pull, the calling, and the draw of the land of Wales. Rural legend has a Welsh word for the pull of the land, the memories of the land, and the memories of people since passed.  They call it "Hiraeth"; a word that is largely non-translatable and it is often referred to in terms of stories, history, or song.  You will know it if you have felt it; it is simply the call of the land. Many people of Welsh Origin, who have felt "Hiraeth", talk about the mysteries and history of this ancient nation.  This place, which is currently a Principality of Great Britain, has drawn people of every belief system.  It is a land of saints, pagans, and spiritualists; of writers, bards, and poets.  Everything in the natural order sings, especially the land and the people.  It is nearly impossible to go on a walk, without having a deep encounter with God or the spiritual world (and yes, those can be different things).  I can understand why so much of this place was an inspiration to J.R.R. Tolkein's "Lord of the Rings" book series. As my host and I walked further down the Unknown Path, we happened upon old ruins left from Shepherd's homes, various plants, and then, after cresting a hill, we happened upon a new "Unknown Path".  Immediately, we were immersed in an entirely different eco system that was boggy and full of beech trees, ferns, and moss covered stones (see the bottom right picture for a clearer idea).  It was as if we had walked into the world of the Ents (Lord of the Rings).  If I could spend all day there, I would!  I could write so many poems, so many stories, and so many songs in that place.  Again, it was as if the land was calling, and bidding us to come, sit, and create.  The air was moist, the rocks were softened by green moss, and the air was sparkling.  This land is so marvelous.  I can't think of any place that I have ever been that sparks the imagination quite like this. I simply had to take a moment and breathe in the air, touch the furry moss, and smile.  I felt like I had discovered a hidden paradise, where few have ever walked.  The land sings.  It's Hiraeth had called to me, and I had found the land's treasures in its golden sun, plush fawna, and hidden paths. I continued to marvel at the beauty of the land, and I felt as if the rocks were telling a story.  I tried to think of all of the writer's who had visited Wales' landscapes as inspiration for their great novels and children's books.  But even more, I wondered if "Hiraeth" was one of the many sounds that God made to let people know that we are part of his world, and in his marvelous creation.  He still lives.  Just as an author creates a story full of vivid characters, descriptions, and colours, so we are the vivid images of His creative mind. I enjoy marveling at the wonder of what has been made.  Some people discount God because of the wounds of their life or because of the depravity of evil.  Their minds wrestle with the dark shadows of wounds, betrayals and hurts until they cannot remember the light.  Yet, in a boggy beech forest, I can remember and see God's light from amongst a hidden place on an "Unknown Path".  I can forget my own shadows and hurts and thus remember that God is good, and he calls to us through any means necessary.  It is as if the stones were calling out.  The Creator sings through his creation.  Through traveling the "Uknown Path", I was able to hear the sound of God and resonate with it. When two tuning forks are placed near each other, they will combine to create a single sound.  To draw near to God, his creation, and his creativity, is to come into the frequency of his sound and thus, be united with him.  We harmonize, blend, and then unify in God's resonance.  How wonderous; how quantum; how interesting to consider.  Have you ever asked, if God created through sound (God Spoke...and it was), what was that sound? In a complex world that has issues of its own, we all face this choice: to see God as good and be unified with him, or to see ourselves as the only solution and thus be separate from God.  It is true, that to be in union with God is costly, non-trendy, and may not even make you popular inside the church (depending on where you go) or outside of the church (depending on who is in your life).  The path to union with God is narrow, and few find it and pursue it. Yet, the rewards of diligently seeking God, his goodness, and our role in the "Unknown Path" are extravagant and simple: to experience heavenly bliss, here on earth amidst the contrast of this world's shadows, failings, and hardships.  We have all heard that prayer, "Thy will be done on Earth, as it is in heaven".  It is possible that his will is for us to experience His true goodness, restoration, hope, possibilities, and more, while alive on this Earth.  I don't believe that we have to wait for heaven as a distant and far off reality.  Heaven is to be brought to earth. And in that boggy beech forest, I could remember, see, hear, and touch a piece of heaven.  For that moment, on that Unknown Path, I was in tune with God and it was good. My journey through life continues past its many and significant traumas and difficulties, towards those moments of life and light.  It is my choice to persevere on the "Unknown Path".  I am simply a traveler on this strange journey of hills and valleys and hidden places.  Yet my heart will always desire all that is good, right, and peaceful. May we each be blessed today with a wondrous experience of God's goodness on today's Unknown Path. Sincerely, Elizabeth Lewis Author & Advocate P.S. Questions about God? Click on that link.

Love - "Eye Know It"

The thing about being in another country, within another culture, is that I can quickly see that love is more than an idea, it is an exchange and an experience.  When love is present, everything seems to work.  When love is absent, hidden or repressed; everything seems to contort into pain, discomfort, or even insecurity.  But how do I know if I am loved?

Good question.  I don't have an immediate or scientific analysis for how I know if I am loved.  I guess that I simply "know" it.  Let's think about it further and let's get specific.

The last time you met someone at work or church or at home, as people, we immediately greet or avoid each other.  A flurry of information is passed between our senses, our biology, our posture, our words, and our presence. Within those first few moments, a person can quickly deduce a lot of information, such as: do they like me, are they happy to see me, are we on good terms?  etc...

All of that information happens in a quick moment.  And in that moment, we can often determine whether or not we are loved and loving.

Love as a Science & Creator

In the age of scientific discovery, some have found that love can be biologically, chemically, and electrically measured.  There are so many studies on this, I will contain it to one.

Dr. Amen, a forerunner in brain analysis, is doing some groundbreaking work that scientifically proves the importance of love attachments towards healthy brain function. Dr. Amen actually scans the brain to discover whether or not a person has had a drug issue, trauma, depression, or other brain injuries.  A lack of love is considered to cause a brain injury!!

Check out his talk about love as a drug (substance): Dr. Amen Talks About Love or his book that talks about the impact of emotional trauma on the brain and relationships.

Love is also a creative force.  I believe that love is as real as carbon, hydrogen, amino acids or any other building block for creation--it is both tangible and measurable and it is also flexible in the unique ways that love combines us with people, places, memories, and experiences.  Love, as a substance is something that our brain translates (biological basis of love) and our heart absorbs.

Consequently, love is a fundamental building block that reflects both our scientific and creative origins and could be viewed as the tangible experience of our Creator.

"Eye Know It" 

So how do we communicate love?  Yes, there are the "5 Love Languages" that Dr. Gary Chapman talks about.  But more simply, love and acceptance are transferred from your eye to my eye, through eye contact (citation from "Thrive Recovery"). 

We can give and receive love as quickly as an electrical impulse passes from your eye to my eye, 6 times per second or so (ibid).  It can be that fast!  Love is simple, biological, spiritual, and emotional and is all wrapped up in a little packet of information that flies from my brain, through my eye, to your eye, and back through your brain.  If I have love in my heart, you will see it.  If you have love for me, I will see it.  Our brains will complete all of the other details.

Disclaimer: there are clearly more than one way we can receive the biology of love, which is why people who are blind can give and receive love.  I am simply keeping this topic simple and broad and so am focusing on eye-to-eye contact.

Oh, and I was just listening to another study that indicated that the electrical rhythms of the heart are strong enough to change our brain's patterns.  But again, the science around this is all new, so I will leave you to your own research.

Love & God

As a person who believes that God is love, this puts my faith into very simple and plain terms.  If there is love in my heart, you will SEE it.  Your eyes will receive it, your brain will interpret it, and depending on your internal health, your heart will feel it.

So lets be plain.  Either you will see that I love you or and I will see that you love me, or we won't.  But deep down, we will each KNOW the difference. That doesn't mean that our brain stops thinking once a signal is sent.  For example, some people see love, but turn it into passion whereas others see interpret love as codepency etc.  But again, this blog post is going to remain simple so I won't go into that right now.

Love as a Currency

It is interesting to note that my capacity for love will determine my ability to share love.  The more I have, the more I can give.  The less I have, the less I can give.  Thus, what I have, I share.  It is unlikely that I can give more love than I myself have experienced.

For example, let's use an illustration with money.  If I have 100 coins, I can share 100 coins.  If you want 200 coins, I either have to borrow from someone else or owe you a debt.  Either way, the difference has to come from somewhere (my pocket, your pocket, or someone else's pocket).

I believe that love is also a currency that we trade in.  If you want all of my love, you will expect me to have the capacity to meet your needs.  However, if I am deficient in love, then I either owe you more or need to rely on someone else to meet your need.  The benefit of faith, is that if we are each connected to God as our primary source of love, we have an eternal supply.  If we do not have the benefit of faith, then we must rely on the limited capacity around us to supply us with love.  Either way, the choice of currency is ours.

This is why love is not just about individuals: we are inter-dependent.  Just think of massive amounts of love-transactions that occur on earth every day.  If every person sees 1 person per day...that is...well...it is BILLIONS of transactions.  That is a massive exchange. 

If we withdraw and deposit love, it has to originate from somewhere or someone.  This, again, is why I believe that God is love.  Part of our created design is to receive love (debit) from God, and send it to someone else (credit).  They feed it back to us, and it returns to God.  This is the whole nature of "Royal Law": Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself. It is a give-give-give scenario.  With God in the equation, there is an endless supply and an abundance.  Without God, there is a serious lack.

Love creates love who feeds love back to the Creator.  It's a feedback loop!

Love can also be SIMPLE

Here is a simple statement: I will know you by your love.  Never mind your degrees, your philosophies, your doctrine, your accomplishments, your social status, your money, or your prestige, my brain and my eyes will know you by the love you communicate to me.

So let's practice!  The next time I see you or you see me, let's try this: let's intentionally think of love and make eye contact.  I agree, it might sound silly at first, but I am up for the risk.  Maybe just remind me first :)

Because I really am beginning to believe that love is simple (possibly rare), but altogether simple: LOVE JUST IS.  Either you we love or we don't.  I hope we do.  Because I need love, and I am fairly certain that you do too.

If we want to see anything change in this world, we must understand that love is a building block of our faith, our universe, and our basic identity.  It seems like a good time to practice!  Because love is more than an idea, it is an exchange and an experience of Being.