PAIN: Reality vs Fantasy (1 Year from Disclosure)

Picture from KoffeeKlub

As young children, many of us liked stories of war or conquest--not because of the gruesome realities of the violence, betrayal, and evil--but because of the many stories about triumph, honour, unlikely heroes and victories.  We like happy endings, no matter what horror or challenges led up to the happy ending.  In fact, sometimes we like the happy endings more, once we know that the story was gruesome but the ending was spectacular.  

It seems to me that glamour and success are relative to the contrast created by victory.  In other words, we are results oriented; when we can define a journey through its result(s), we will increase or decrease the role of suffering based on the amount of success experienced when reviewing the result.

Photo from:
http://westafricanprincess.wordpress.com/2012/07/

If you have been through a war or a major trauma, you have already learned that the result will not diminish the costs that it took to achieve the result (ex. victory in war versus the losses sustained during the war).  In reality, pain and success are like a two headed monster: they work together, and are quite inseparable.

HOW DOES PAIN APPLY TO RECOVERY?

Recently, I had a conversation with someone about the process of recovery from sexual abuse.  It occurred to me, despite my public writing and public speaking, that I still do an 'avoidance dance' by not fully revealing how difficult recovery can actually be.  In truth, recovery can be a vomit-inducing, sweat-producing, tear-staining process (sometimes literally and sometimes figuratively speaking).

Photo from FaithFriend: LINK

Why would I avoid telling the whole & awful truth about the recovery process?  Because some people don't want to hear the unfiltered truth; instead, some have expressed a desire for the filtered story only.  They want to know that I 'made it', not the stark and daily realities of the healing process.  They just want to hear, "I am OK".

But what they want isn't reality; what they want is the result.  They just want to know that everything worked out and the pain has stopped.  But the reality of recovery is that it is about "Progress, Not Perfection" (slogan from many Recovery programs).  In other words, pain is non-negotiable most of the time.

There are some scars from sexual abuse that may never go away.  In reality a person can learn to forgive, but he/she is also likely to never forget (excluding persons with high abilities to disassociate or go into denial--the ones who can 'unplug').

Instead, there is a hard road of counselling, redefining relationships, sometimes even a change in career or city, other times it may require personal losses, shame, uncertainty, fear, humiliation and so on.  Recovery can involve a loss upon loss, line upon line.

DO WE PREFER FANTASY?

We are a culture that feeds on entertainment, success stories, faith healings, and sometimes even fantasy.   Just think of how many people you know that spend their lives in denial or in pursuing the holy grail simply because dealing with their own issues would be too messy and too painful?  For some, it is easier to stay in denial or in fantasy, rather than walk the difficult road that is currently their path.

I am not against hope and I like miracles.  In fact, I have personally witnessed and tested out supernatural phenomena and miracles.  Nevertheless, I have come to the conclusion that 'until' a miracle or breakthrough is experienced, there is simply a lot of hard work and pain.  Such brazen reality is truly "OK" because suffering can yield good results (if the pain is for healing, not because of continued abuse).

All fairy tales have their 'other side' called reality.
Photo courtesy of: click HERE 

So we have a choice: face the pain and own the process OR deny the pain and avoid the outcome (and avoidance usually brings bad results).

Even if we wish for God to "take this cup from me" (Mark 14:36), suffering might be inevitable.  Fortunately, for those with faith, we know that God can bring good out of any mess.  We also know that perseverance builds character (Romans 5:3-5).  As the saying goes, "smooth seas do not make skillful sailors".

A few famous quotes about suffering and hope:

• "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart [Jesus] has overcome the world" (John 16:33, NIV)
• "Life is Suffering" (One of Four Buddhist "Noble Truths")
• '[l]ife's a piece of sh*t when you look at it--always look on the bright side of life' (Monty Python)
• "God had one son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering." (St Augustine)

GIVE ME SOME HOPE!!!

There is something within the human spirit that will fight to survive.  We know that pain is not the whole story and nothing but the story.  There is redemption, possibilities, hope, resurrection, new beginnings and so on.  We have this powerful urge to survive--no matter what.   Perhaps that is why suicide is such a sadness to so many--it is against our primal nature to live.

We all like the success stories.  I like to hear about how the prince gets the princess, how the pauper becomes wealthy, how the loser becomes the cool one.  I like success.  I like hearing about success.  I like knowing people who have succeeded.  These successes are part of the hope of living.  

WE WANT RESULTS!!!  AND WE NEED HOPE!  I encourage everyone I know to go through stories of hope; to connect with people who have hope; and to be in a community that teaches hope.  Get connected to a source of hope!

SO WHAT ABOUT THE LONG PROCESS?

"It is the crushed grape that makes the wine" (Anonymous).  Being crushed, step by step, yields a result; some would call this 'the refining process'.  No matter what the instrument of growth is, wanted or unwanted, right or wrong, once we are flattened out, we can still become something greater than before: I can become the "ME" that I always knew I was intended to "BE".

It was one year ago that I went public with my story: May (2012).  It has been a whirlwind journey since then.  I am grateful for a loving and supporting community including some friends, some family and even some strangers (please note, not all are supportive as some cannot or will not even face this with me).

Since 2012's disclosure, we have each been challenged, some have been pressed by ideologies, crushed by pain, raised up in faith, loved and yet others have been distanced.  Nevertheless, I can see the growth (not only my own growth, but the growth that family members have gone through alongside of me).  We are being refined by unwanted truths.

Abuse tells you that 'it is your fault'; silence also tells you that 'it is your fault'; but truth, love, and acceptance will tell you 'it was never your fault and I will be present with you in your sufferings (I will not hide or run, but I will STAY WITH YOU)'.  I was simply thrown into a cycle that I never wanted to be in.  Now it is my turn and my move.  The power is back in my corner.  And I choose to live!  I desire to thrive!  And I will purpose myself accordingly.  

This little grape doesn't go down without churning out some FINE WINE!!  (I smile as I type that last line).

BRAIN-MIND-SPIRIT SCIENCE

(By Dr. Karl Lehman, "Outsmarting Yourself").  Link to his work: CLICK HERE.

When we encounter pain, our brain-mind-spirit system always tries to process the painful experience. There is a very deliberate pathway that this pain processing attempt will follow, and there are specific processing tasks that we must complete as we travel along this pathway, such as staying emotionally connected, navigating the situation in a satisfying way, and correctly interpreting the meaning of the experience. When we are able to successfully complete this processing journey, we get through the painful experience without being traumatized – we emotionally and cognitively “metabolize” the experience in a healthy way, and instead of having any toxic power in our lives, the adequately processed painful experience contributes to our knowledge, skills, empathy, wisdom, and maturity. That is, when we successfully process a painful experience we don’t just stuff it down into our unconscious, or teach ourselves to think about other things. We actually get through it, stronger and wiser.

Unfortunately, various problems and/or limitations can block successful processing; and when we are not able to complete the processing journey, then the painful experience becomes a traumatic experience and the memories for these traumatic experiences carry unresolved toxic content. When traumatic memories are activated, the toxic content they carry comes forward and powerfully affects our perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, abilities, and choices.  (Excerpt from "Outsmarting Yourself" by Dr. Karl Lehman)

Pain versus Joy -- "The Hourglass of Recovery"

For those who regularly follow my blog and posts (500 readers per month at the moment), you know that I primarily write about two topics: Faith and Surviving Sexual Abuse.  For me, those topics are intertwined because when you deal with Sexual Abuse you will also be faced with the larger-than-life-questions.

Recently, I felt inspired to write a new post about the recovery process and recovery limits from sexual abuse.  This is a process very few people talk about publicly, and when it is discussed, it is discussed in vague terms.  For me, healing comes from personal connection, not from vague terms.  So I offer less vague and more personal connection!

I was inspired to write this post because of how many survivors whom I have recently talked to.  Many suffer deep rooted shame and rejection, even if people say they love them.  Listening to them and thinking of my own story, I then realized...hey...most people suffer through their recovery in shame and isolation.  That isn't right!  We need to pop the isolation bubble and let victims be honoured!!

So let's continue the dialogue.

The Ceiling of Recovery

Did you know that there is a ceiling to recovery?  I didn't.  But apparently, medical research shows that early life trauma can permanently disable confidence, stability etc.  According to certain researchers, there are limits to trauma recovery.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I have likely progressed as far as anyone can who has my serious history of abuse.  In other words, according to medicine, this is as good as it gets.  Both my counselors and my physician are actually quite proud of my recovery.  It would seem that I have been blessed with more healing than the 'norm'.  Thank GOD!

Fortunately for me, I know people who specialize in trauma.  They tell me, that where most people hit a ceiling, they have found the next step to recovery.  Again, thank GOD!  (relief and joy inserted here).

In other words, I still have a chance at a full life with joy and THRIVING.  

So now what?

Is that the end of my healing journey?  Absolutely not!  There are massive breakthroughs in faith, therapy, neuro-science, prayer and so on.  I get regular reports of healings that are seeing medical impossibilities become transformational possibilities.  My favourite stories are of survivors from war or abuse who have been miraculously healed from PTSD.  Woo!  Pass that good news around :)

My support network has had mixed reactions to this medical news.  Some were sad while others were empathetic and understood that medicine has its limits when coming to treat emotional trauma.  The faith community is by far the MOST supportive of my continued health recovery and improvement.  

Others expressed concern because they knew my intellectual and professional potential is not being utilized because of the deterioration caused by abuse and the memory recall process.  I understand their perspectives, because I have had to grieve all of those losses too. 

Fortunately, pain pathways are not my life's definition.  It is just a tremendous obstacle.  One day, it might even be a trophy!

I am blessed to now have a peace that comes from being in the present.  If this level of healing is all that is mine, I am grateful, even though I will seek more healing.  As long as I am on this Earth, I will be hungry for more goodness, peace, fullness, and wholeness.

Why talk about these things?

Abuse creates isolation; writing & speaking creates awareness and helps to build community.  It is my leading and intention to continue being an Advocate, Public Speaker, and Writer to bring about awareness of the recovery process from sexual abuse.  This is a work in progress.

Topic of Pain in Recovery

So let's talk about the bare bones truth.  Recovery is painful, sometimes excruciating.  At the basement of pain, is a true rock bottom.  It is a desolate place full of uncertainty and confusion.  You move to the left--there is pain; you move to the right--there is pain.  A true rock bottom is merciless.

At that place of reckoning, a person often has to decide if they have even enough energy or will to allow the idea that there is a possibility that there might be a hope to have the will to keep trying.  Even the will to get back up might seem more than possible.  

From the ashes we rise (photo, NOT the content, from HERE)

A rock bottom is sobering on all levels.  Old techniques for feeling good won't work (Behaviors, People, Events etc).  Everything can appear bleak--that is how you can tell it is a bottom.

The benefit of a true rock bottom is that you can only go up.  At the bottom of life's hourglass, you earn a new perspective.  You gain the opportunity to see the whole of your worldview as it is, rather than how you wish it was.  Then, a person can start to make decisions such as the choice to survive.  Thriving usually has to wait.

Take a look at the photo posted to the right.  These hands represent the ones who choose to get up again; it is the effort and the human will to survive, even when drowning.  In this photo, I see pain and suffering, but I also see the triumph of the overcoming nature of our spirit.  We want to survive.

To me, that picture would look a lot better with a helping hand coming down from above!  

Faith Required

Tattoo art by Gabriellexx (Original HERE)

It is through faith that a person gains true life again.  In any recovery program (hurts, habits etc), faith is part of the 12 steps.  You cannot heal without God.  Any person in healing knows that.

To the left, you can see an image of an hourglass with death on the bottom versus life on the top.  Notice the cross--a key symbol of faith.  Notice how you feel when you see the skull versus seeing the cross.  One symbol emphasizes death; whereas the other symbol (even though the cross was initially a symbol of death) is now a symbol of life.

When I was at my true rock-bottom, just like that skull in the drawing, I needed to choose if I was going to win or lose.  I remember having a vision of my world as darkness.  I saw God intervening and putting one little speck of light through that darkness a great distance away.  In that moment of vision, I resolved that as long as I had breathe in my lungs, I would take steps until I had approached that light and until that light consumed my vision.  That vision still motivates me today, 10 years later.  I choose life, light, and hope.

During the past 10 years, I've seen plenty of healings and miracles, including:  seeing addicts completely healed to sobriety in an instant of prayer (and some have testified to having been healed and sober for over 30 years), limbs growing to normal lengths, teeth transformed, hearts mended, hearing restored, surgical metal disappearing, and cancer cured.  In these things, I have become rich with faith, and richer in experience.

So what about my experience with darkness, despair, and the torments of abuse memories?  The answer is that those things were being worked out in direct contrast to the light and miracles I was seeing. Faith, was necessary for my healing.  It allowed me to see God, experience hope, and the courage to progress towards my redemption.

I am now firmly convinced that my personal and greatest miracle is the sense of relationship and healing that occurs in my heart when I connect to our Creator, through Jesus, and awaken again.  The symbol of the cross heals me, inspires me, and provides me with a path from death to life.  Some of my humanist and atheist friends think that my faith is ignorance.  But for me, faith has given me life and continues to give me what knowledge never could--LIFE!

How does one transition from pain to joy?

This question has been at the core of my personal and spiritual research for the past 10+ years.  I have been 'hungry' for joy and have searched high and low for the way, the means, and the method of a return to joy. 

What have I found?  I have discovered that joy is spiritual and physical.  We need spiritual joy through meaning and connection to our spiritual source; we also need physical joy through physical health, healthy relationships, a stable environment etc.

The key method for me, has been Immanuel prayer technique, taught in combination with "THRIVE Recovery".  Through the THRIVE recovery model, I am learning that joy is an actual substance within the brain.  Researchers have learned that joy is the key to recovering from pain.  THRIVE Recovery is a program that teaches:

When your life is more painful and out-of-control than you like, find the skills to bring you to peace and joy...Trauma weakens your brain’s control center...Strategic spiritual and mental training restarts your life....a state of the art training program that combines neuroscience (brain) research, relational community, Biblical principles and prayer dialogue with our Creator to develop us into healthy, mature, healed people who THRIVE! This is a program like no other, and it can't be compared to other systems! (THRIVE Recovery: http://www.thrivingrecovery.org/about.php)

Joy Trumps Pain

I have learned that it is through 'joy' that Jesus endured the cross.  So joy, according to the Gospels, is something that propels us past the worst tortures of pain and torment, isolation and suffering.  Joy trumps pain!

Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2, ESV)

Jesus, was despised, rejected, and acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). Yet, he spoke of abundant life, joy, peace, hope, and assurance.  He contained the paradox of both pain and joy, while offering his solution as our 'salvation'.  So yes, for me, Jesus' solution was necessary for the power to begin recovery.

My next statement will shock a few--but Jesus is not the entirety of healing.  Jesus sent the Comforter, but he also built a people who heal too.  We each need 'Jesus in flesh'--COMMUNITY.  I need people to teach me about love, joy, peace, and acceptance, to replace what was robbed from me through abuse, rejection, mockery, and betrayal.

It is somewhat like relational replacement.  What was robbed, must be restored at least 10 times.  For every abuser, I need a group of good people to replace that defilement.  

I cannot heal alone

I cannot, and will not be healed outside of a strong, loving, and nurturing community.

Simon & Garfunkel were famous for singing "I am a rock, I am island".  Today, when I hear that song all I can think is 'wow, talk about a strong case of denial'.  No one is an island.  Our pain isolates us, but we are never in actual or complete isolation.  Even an island is surrounded by an ocean that is teaming with life.  We are never alone.  We just need the skills, the resources, and the help to reconnect outside of the pain (which is the isolator).

Furthermore, because we were born in relationship and physically birthed out of an act of intimacy, we are incapable of being alone.  From unity we were conceived, and for unity we live.

So what is recovery?

I often hear it said that people recover from sexual abuse.  I still have not heard a clear definition of what recovery looks like.  So for now, I don't have an answer.  

Instead, I have a direction.  I direct myself towards an eternal identity, and take steps until my temporary experience catches up.  For example, if my eternal identity says that "I am more than a conqueror", and my temporary experience says that "I am defeated", then I simply take intentional steps from defeat to conquering.

I don't think that there is a certain point in the healing journey that says, "Congratulations, you are now recovered."  So for now, I take it step by step.  

The Hourglass of Recovery

"As sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives" (queue the soap opera music from "Days of Our Lives").

We rise, we fall, and we do it all over again.  I now see life more like a spiral than a straight line.  We progress, in a continuum, around each bend.  Some bends look just like the places we have been before, but because of time and space, we know that we can never be in the exact same place ever again.  Consequently, everything is cyclical

As long as I breathe, I can lose my breathe.  This is the vulnerability of being alive.  The goal is to be intentional and willing to do whatever it takes to catch one's breathe again, until breathe is gone from this life.

God is my goal, faith is my means, and loving community is my aide.  Together, with loving, safe, and secure community, I might, just might...THRIVE.



"Keep Your Love On!" by www.LovingOnPurpose.com:

A powerful person says, "I am going to be okay no matter what you do.  You can hurt me, but you cannot make me turn my love off.  I am relentlessly going to do what I have to do to protect my connection with you, no matter what."  When you can say and do this in the face of fear, mistakes and pain, you have already won the battle between fear and love. (Danny & Sheri Silk, 2013)

Empathy Pains For Rehteah Parsons - A Young Canadian Dead After Alleged Rape & Bullying

Today, I read a news article about a young girl who was allegedly raped, mocked, bullied, and then in her own desperation, she killed herself.

This was not a crime in a war zone; this was a crime in a land known for peace and healing.  This young girl was Canadian.  

"The trauma of the rape and ongoing bullying caused depression and suicidal thoughts" (Huffington Post).  Her family assured Rehteah that rape wasn't her fault, but their consoling could not remove the sting of the social humiliation that Rehtaeh faced after-the-fact.

Bullying isolates its victims until he/she retreats internally into a prison that is difficult to break free from.  In this case, rape was the crime, bullying was the sentence, and shame was the prison guard.  She couldn't break free; and in despair she tried to die.

"Sexual abuse is no respecter of persons, nationality, religion, gender, age, or boundaries.  It is the dark weapon that can destroy any human spirit." 

(Elizabeth Lewis @elizabethsinbox)

READ: Globe & Mail Article; April 9, 2013

UPDATE (April 26, 2013) : There is growing public awareness but also scrutiny into Rehteah's story.  I am not surprised.  However, the remainder of this blog is not influenced by Rehteah or her story.  The rest of this blog is quite personal and stands on its own merits.  I am here to "bloggersize" and share information.  Read on...

Empathy Pains

As a survivor of rape, I am having empathy pains for Rehteah and her story.

I am now in my 30's and am still doing "clean up" from the emotional, relational, psychological, spiritual, and health damages that were caused by sexual violence since my earliest years.  I have personally felt the pains of being misunderstood, unprotected, and at times, even mocked, belittled or ignored.  I even remember the dark realization that no police officer could help me because the "law" required more than personal testimony.  Also, to go to court would mean having the emotional strength to testify--something very few survivors have.

From my teens to twenties, I had very little support for my recovery, partly because I was muffled by denial, fear, unbearable realities, and silence.  It was in the silence and isolation that several different abusers were able to infiltrate my life.  I became a repeated victim, not just by sexual violence, but also by the culture of silence that prohibited my story from being heard.  Abusers rely on the power given to them by enablers and naysayers.  It sometimes seemed that the abusers were more protected than me, the abused.

Furthermore, as many survivors of sexual abuse will tell you, it can get worse.  Once abused, we can enter into a series of abusive relationships; each relationship only shatters the broken soul more, leading to depression, anxiety, confusion, angst, and even despair.  I can testify that to this day, I can only recall one positive dating relationship.  Sadly, it ended.  He was the one man that I trusted, but when I called him months later, asking for help after a sexual assault, he said nothing.  It was at that moment, that I realized, I was not valuable enough for anyone to fight for.

My memories were repressed, I bit my lip, and carried on.  Like the Brits say "Stay Calm, Carry On".  And that is what I did, one bad relationship after another.

To this day, I am still learning to feel safe, loved, and valuable.  Now, my training allows me to differentiate between abuse-based thoughts (lies) and healing-based thoughts (truths).  I am progressing, healing, and being recreated.

Sadly, when I read Rehteah's story, I could see evidence that she had not yet received the help she needed to get her past the crippling shame and despair phase.  Her life ended too soon.  But even if she had survived, who knows what kind of situations she would have subjected herself to, without some inner healing?

The reality is that survivors of rape and sexual harm, have a propensity to make decisions that can harm themselves all over again.

Rape doesn't just violate a person's body--it steals dignity, self-worth, the ability to trust, and healthy boundaries.  What begins as the rape of the body, inevitably leads to the desecration of the soul, and the destruction of the human spirit.  That is why rape is so evil--it can literally destroy a person on all levels of spirit, soul, and body.

Some survivors become addicts, others become workaholics, depressed, physically or mentally ill, abusive, or permanent victim, and so on.  Survivors are thrust into the cycle of violence, denial, and negative coping, until they can consciously or supernaturally break free.

In fact, some of the biggest critics of recovery can even be other rape survivors themselves.  I have met some survivors who make it their sub-conscious mandate to belittle or diminish other people's stories of abuse so that they can maintain their control or negative coping skills.  It is almost as if a survivor's need for denial can be projected onto controlling other victims to maintain their silence.

So how did I break free?

Fortunately I met caring Christians and professionals who have been generously walking the healing journey with me.  A special thanks today goes to Dave Bamford of "Positive Changes Now Counselling".  I can now say that I am recovering and see the possibilities of thriving.  The nightmares have finally stopped and other progress is now evident.  Nevertheless, recovery will continue one step at a time, unless a major miracle occurs.

Advocacy & Public Speaking

I am now an Advocate and Public Speaker for inner healing, surviving, and hopefully THRIVING!  I've been asked to speak in several countries already, with a book in the works.

In the meantime, I continue to relearn how to live, write, communicate, love, trust, and have meaning.  I am honoured to serve and to love those who are not yet able to love themselves--I am referring to the survivors of sexual harm and the used and abused.

I endeavor to continue developing the skills to support survivors, encourage them, and inspire them.

Canadian Reality Check 

In Canada, at least 20% of our adult population admits to having been sexually harmed, and 17% by the time they are 18.  Most believe the numbers of victims are SUBSTANTIALLY higher than that.  I have heard numbers as high as 1/3 women have been sexually harmed and 1/4 men.  These numbers reveal a pandemic of sexual harm in our nation of Canada.

The problem of rape sits on three-strongholds:

1. Culture of Silence - Silence allows shame to grow exponentially.  Victims can despair in silence and shame.  
2. Victim Isolation - Rape harms the victim, but it also robs the victim's entire relational network of its innocence.  If a victim is treated on an individual bases, sometimes they heal alone, which can further isolate the survivor.  Most survivors need the help of their friends, family, church, and community in order to feel safe, loved, accepted, and re-integrated into the community's strength.  It takes a community to raise a child, but it also takes a community to heal its most vulnerable.
3. Myth of Justice - Is there truly a justice for rape?  Not particularly.  In some cases, there is legal action, financial reparations; but are these things truly justice for what was lost in rape?  The only justice I have found so far is in my faith, with forgiveness, and the hope of a better life.  But I had to concede the justice was not mine to earn or gain in this lifetime (that would be futile), but something hoped for by my eternal God.  If someone balks at this, I would gladly ask them what other justice there is?  

The Healing Process?!?

Healing from sexual harm requires an initial plan of therapy, but it will also require an ongoing support system as new reactions will pop up throughout a survivor's entire life.  It can be a long and painful road to recovery.  We all look for the quick-fixes, but until then, there is just hard work and accurate therapy with a support system of love.

What can you do to help?

Ignorance and silence allows rape to win.  One of the best ways to deal with sexual violence is to stop protecting the ignorance and silence surrounding sexual violence and listen to the stories. Let people grieve.  Get educated.  We need Public Awareness to shine on every abuse, to chase the darkness and isolation away.

Abusers thrive in secrecy, so let's remove their power to abuse again--reveal the truth!

If you are an abuser--get help, ASAP!  Please turn yourself in, seek a therapist, and GET HELP!!!   Stop the crimes before it happens again.

Also, if you are financially able, consider donating to a local Sexual Abuse Hotline or Help Centre such as CASA: DONATE TODAY.  

Letting Victims Speak...

PHOTO Courtesy of: Rapes Going Unnoticed

PHOTO Original HERE

PHOTO Original HERE

PHOTO ADVERT from HERE

"Usually, the rapist starts out thinking you will consent to sex with him, and when you say no, he carries on anyway."

Angelic in Aberdeen

Family, Friends, and the Intrigued,

(excerpts from an email sent on December 16, 2012)

Well, ABERDEEN has been quite the adventure.  When I arrived, there was such an experience of joy and light.  I received several looks of shock and amazement from people on the street.  I have seen that look before; it happens when I am "radiating". Depending on who you ask, I might have actually been glowing.  I was happy and wanted to take a photo to show how I was feeling at this point on the trip (photo attached).  I was amazed when the photo showed me in light (the pic was taken in a dimly lit hotel room and the photo didn't make sense to the room's lighting; it should have been darker and shown the walls behind me).

I went out, picked up some chicken and headed back to the hotel.  That is when things changed (evil has an intentionally dark intelligence against our weakest points).  There was a situation with the man on night duty, and the result was that I was no longer feeling safe in my hotel room.  No details are required, suffice it to say that it was not a good scenario.

So I had decisions to make.  How do I respond?  Do I call the police?  What about the manager, where is his number?  Was the man a threat or was this just a trigger?  What is the wise response when I was alone in my hotel, at midnight, in a strange city?

I made some quick responses, jammed the lock in the door, barricaded it, and then I reached out to a few Christians for prayer.  These people were from various countries around the world. 

Even though the people I reached out to didn't know each other, they EACH responded in unity that they felt that I was safe and that my room was full of angels.  Oh really?  At that moment, I could only feel the pounding of my heart in my chest.  Thankfully, with all I have seen and heard about the past 5 years, I am open to experiencing God and the angelic.  So with my door locked, I tucked safely in my hotel bed and I prayed: "God, if other people say that there are angels in my room, let me see it too." 

I immediately had a picture of a massive angel hovering above and behind me (I was curled up on my side).  Then I had a sensation of a hand on my back (providing safety). I felt a glow and a warm shiver all over.  The 'glow' was so amazing, that I just revelled in the experience and asked for a 'second dose'.  It was so exciting that I mused, "so that is what people were talking about when they experienced a 'heavenly' touch".  It was pure ambrosia.  My spirit, soul, and body relaxed. 

While praying for the ability to connect with the angelic (in the way that everyone had mentioned was occurring), I also had a very practical moment where I decided--I would tell management about the inappropriate encounter in the morning. The natural and supernatural work in tandem.

So let's refer back to the "angelic activity".  While I was experiencing that warm glow, I took a deep breathe to calm my heart rate................and then............

................in a blink of an eye, it was morning.  LITERALLY.  Just like that; one breathe, and it was morning.

What happened to the time in between?  Usually I remember falling asleep, having dreams, rolling over, fluffing the pillows etc.  But in this case, I simply "skipped" all of that.  It was as if one moment I was awake, experiencing the angelic, and the next thing, *POOF*--it was early morning.

Even though what woke me was unpleasant (the neighbours were having vigorous and graphic relations), I had awakened in peace.  The peace did not diminish my need for practical order & justice; I was still determined to report the events to management.  But I had peace!  For me, that was a miracle!

As I write, the church Elder spoke out to me, "Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid",  John 14:27). 

Even though darkness had attempted to overtake me, God's light still shone.  In fact, the next day, when I attended an African Church in Aberdeen, the Elder's wife reported that she thought I was visibly "glowing".  She felt compelled to meet me.  She, and many others had confirmed that they thought I was "glowing".  To me, this is just more phenomena on an otherwise banal day. It is as if God is more visible against the backdrop of the earthen.

DOES THE SUPERNATURAL AND ANGELIC ACTUALLY HAPPEN? 

For the past 4 or 5 years, I have been investigating the supernatural in greater detail.  I have met people who have shared their own experiences with God, the angelic, and so on.  There are numerous reports that people have seen wounds restored, people getting healed of cancer, blood disorders, and various other illnesses.  I've also met people who profess to have seen the dead raised to life (including in Africa, Pakistan, and Northern California).

It seems to me that the universe, God-created, is as vast and mysterious as God is.  If God is spirit, and we have God's image, than we can anticipate and experience God.  I call these events, whether practical or mysterious, as "supernatural". 

God is able to do "above and beyond all that we could ask or think".  Just go to a movie--there is a LOT that any of us can ask or think about.  So why do we limit God?  If he can do more than anything I could ask for, I might as well ask BIG!  I asked to see the angelic in Aberdeen, and in this experience, I think I did.

It is easy to get caught up in trendy humanism and secularism, particularly in Canada.  But I keep my attitude simple--if God is alive (and I believe God is alive), and God created ALL things, then even the mundane or the miraculous can reveal God.  I am not afraid to look, to ask, to seek; thus, I am open to considering the weird, the wacky, and the wonderful as part of the creative expressions of God.  In fact, it is quite fun.

DO I HAVE MORE STORIES ABOUT THE SUPERNATURAL? 

Oh yes!  There are loads of stories.  I have begun to collect stories of healings, miracles, and conversions en masse (such as an entire town of people being changed by the appearance of Jesus in all of the town's dreams). 

Some of these phenomenons I have witnessed in person, throughout my travels; some of these phenomenons my friends and colleagues have personally witnessed. It is a dynamic time to be a Christian!     

There are vast groups of Christians around the world who are moving in the supernatural, under the radar of most mainstream churches.  You can distinguish them by the volume of joy and love that many of them exude that far exceeds many traditional groups. 

The supernatural Christians tend to embrace people with tremendous joy and love, including people who have otherwise been rejected by mainstream groups. 

Some of these "Wild Ones" (Christians experiencing God's power in the present) are trans-relocating, walking through walls, walking out of prisons, bypassing dangers and seeing life restored in people's spirit, soul, and body.  Alberta even has some of these stories.

WHY DOES THE SUPERNATURAL MATTER?

For some people, the supernatural doesn't matter.  They are happy with their world of stock markets, bureaucracy, routine, monotonous church and stability.  But they are the minority within a shrinking demographic.   

In reality, most people have glaring needs that they need filled (both naturally and supernaturally).  More than 50% of the world is living on $2.50 per day (Global Issues), with 26.3% of the world's total population being under the age of 14 (Index Mundi).   If there is one thing we know about children--it is that they are not afraid to ask or think for great things!  They are dreamers...

Children and families first need sustenance then significance and then the supernatural.  Oftentimes, missions organizations will feed people first, then provide housing and then Bible training. Thus, the supernatural people (missionaries) feeds the natural and the natural charity creates an opportunity for more supernatural!   It's a feedback loop. 

There was a lot of theology packed into that last paragraph, so I will leave that for another day...

FOR NOW...JUST CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITIES...ASK, SEEK, KNOCK...