Beliefs, Communication, & Quality of Relational Experiences

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."    — C.S. Lewis

I have learned many, recent lessons about beliefs, communication and their roles in the health of my relationships.  

From recent life experience, I have begun to see that communication is rooted in whether beliefs are accurately shared between people.  Those very beliefs will drive all communications that are both sent and received.  Those communications (and perceptions) have a massive ability to adapt or maladapt my experiences and relationships.

The relationships then build momentum (positive or negative) to reflect the messages being sent and received.  How necessary it is to ensure that I communicate a good message!

I have learned...by God, have I learned...

Let me review one of my own beliefs. I believe that God is real and He, as a real Being purposefully forgives me.  From that belief, I deduce that it is good and reasonable to practice a lifestyle of forgiveness, just as I have received consistent forgiveness.

That sounds good, but how do I really know if I am successful in living out my belief in forgiveness?  Simple, I can test it.

With accountability between myself, my peers, colleagues, and authorities, I can test my own beliefs by submitting to their feedback in regards to my actions.  

For instance, if I believe that I am forgiving then the evidence will be reflected back by my conscience, my peers, colleagues, and authorities.  I could even do a basic, sample poll of 10 people and ask each of them:

• Do you believe that I am forgiving?
• Have you seen an example of me offering forgiveness in the last 6 months?
• Have you seen me denying forgiveness in the past 6 months?

The results would give me a sample of whether or not my personal belief is or is not reflected in the reality that exists between people (community).

Granted--there are some statistical issues with my data collection, but it is a start!!

Let's go deeper and consider the connection between belief and believers...

Let's assume that communication is like a network "ping" between two people (similar to a ping between two computers).  If two people are functioning properly, then the ping accurately measures information back and forth. HOWEVER, if one or both of the people are not functioning properly, then the ping may reveal a problem.  It would then be time to do some problem solving and diagnostics to resolve the situation such as:

• A healthy chat over coffee
• A chat with mediation
• Personal Growth through counsel, ministries, books, prayer etc.
• Trust that God's Spirit can sovereignly guide you to a revelation of understanding that leads to change
• Some combination of all of the above

In reality, if I am functioning and send a healthy message of love and forgiveness to someone else who is healthy, then it is reasonable to hope that the message would be received as sent.  HOWEVER, if I sent a functioning message through an unreliable network to a dysfunctional person, then I can reasonably expect a faulty response.


**This assumes that the healthy message is from the sender.  There are plenty of examples of an unhealthy sender and a healthy recipient.  There are plenty of examples of an unhealthy message and messenger.  Etc. etc. etc.

Would it be possible to deduce that the accurate communication of my beliefs is highly dependent on the health of myself and of those I am in relationship with? 

Would it be possible to assume that Shared beliefs=Shared Likelihood of Communication Success?

It is now my opinion that whatever I believe, the relationships that I hold closest will have the biggest impact on the measurement of much of what I believe and do.

As such, it would be advantageous and wise to pursue good beliefs and to surround myself with others who have good beliefs.  That way, whatever true and good belief I have would become accurate, consistent, and REAL.

Because of all of this...

I have an increased desire to pursue what is true, right, and praiseworthy, with a high level of enthusiasm.  In the meantime, I can simply hope that anyone who shares my newfound enthusiasm would bolster and catapult me further in these endeavors.  In contrast, those who cannot or will not run with me, would be left in out or left behind.  These things have a way of working themselves out.

Today, it is imperative that I be willing and conscious enough to sow in kindness, forgiveness, understanding, and generosity, whenever possible, and without concern of anyone else’s ability or willingness to offer me the same.  If I stumble, then I trust that the same Good God that forgave me, is also able to redeem me.

All of this is only possible because of my belief that God is good, God is love, and I am loved.  I trust that God will understand what no man can.  I trust that God will correct me in the areas that I am blind to.  And fortunately, God is kind and just enough to bring me to wholeness and redemption, if I only surrender to His one-of-a-kind leadership.

I want to thank each person who has aggravated, abused, misunderstood, bullied, or frustrated me.  Your darkness helped me to develop a desire for health and light.  Thank you.  You were the wolf nipping at my heels and the fear that drove me close to the Shepherd and His flock (the healthy unity of believers).

Also, I want to thank each person who has shown me loving-kindness, forgiveness, patience, endurance, and forbearance.  You helped me to experience the light that I was otherwise blinded to.  Your health drew me to God's Light until he opened my eyes (it is interesting to note that my Eye Doctor confirmed that my physical eyes are also healing...coincidence?!?!).

For each contributor to my life's story, your choices are marked in the measures of my life and vice versa.  By proximity, our testimonies are now inter-twined, perhaps for eternity!  Maybe that is why we teach that we are "one" body: it is because we are so inter-connected.  May we live and reflect and measure with goodness, kindess, love, gentleness...


Lastly, I want to thank each person who showed me forgiveness whenever I was unhealthy or sent an unhealthy message.  Your forgiveness (and God's), releases me from the consequences of brokeness.  I believe that REDEMPTION is the evidence of forgiveness in action.

Now, I am blessed because I believe well...

I am also blessed because I receive.  The more goodness I receive, the more I am blessed.

I am also blessed because I am loved, am loving, and am grateful for all that I have and have lost.

I hope to believe what is true, believe what is right, and experience the goodness that WILL flow out in all of its measurements.  I also pray that I will experience increased goodness through increased "good" relationships.

I can anticipate that this journey of discovery is an ever-expanding, eternal path.  The good path appears narrow, and I suspect that “few will find it”.  That is why I am so grateful to have been found and to have found the path.

Thank you God and thank you one and all!  

Here's a [personally] applied version of The Message's Philippians 1:3-11

3-6Every time you cross my mind, I break out in thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on ... believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

 7-8It's not at all [just] fanciful for me to think this way about you. My prayers and hopes have deep roots in reality. You have, after all, stuck with me all the way from the time I was [misunderstood, neglected, or broken] and came out of it in one piece. All along you have experienced with me the most generous help from God. 

 9-11So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in [love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, and self-control] from the soul, making Jesus Christ [available through you life] to all, getting everyone [connected] in the glory and praise of God.

Blog by E.D. Lewis