Post-Gomeshi Consciousness

Jian Ghomeshi's alleged sexual violence has changed Canada's understanding about the harsh realities of sexual abuse and sexualized violence in our nation.

On October 30th, I joined Canada's cultural awakening to the realities of sexual abuse by publicly tweeting under the hashtag #BeenRapedNeverReported.  This game-changing hashtag, started by writer's Antonia Zerbisias (@AntoniaZ) and Sue Montgomery (@MontgomerySue), has given many rape and sexual abuse survivors the chance to share their story.  Antonia and Sue have ignited a new wave of consciousness in Canadians that is breaking the silence and freeing the voice of victims.

THANK YOU Antonia and Sue!  THANK YOU!!  You have given voice to the voiceless, and unity to the isolated victims of rape and abuse.

As this Twitter movement continues, one by one, ten thousands upon ten thousands, rape survivors are uniting in voice on Twitter.  Here are some tweets:

To all who have taken this journey #beenrapedneverreported I stand by you & with you. Sweet company gleaned from dark origins. Together now. Sue Allen ‏@SueAllenMusic 

Thank you @AntoniaZ for initiating #BeenRapedNeverReported. I will listen, I will believe. I will refuse to be a silent bystander to #vaw. Jerry Dias ‏@JerryPDias 

So proud of you, all the unknown victims. A Beautiful message of hope. You're not alone, I believe you cause' me too #beenrapedneverreported Jade Bocognano ‏@JadeBocognano 

This is sad. Help them report it! #BeenRapedNeverReported trends as women share stories of sexual violence http://huff.to/1sP1cRu Adam Contos ‏@acontos

Canada Has Awakened.  Canada is listening. 

The public is showing their support by replying to us on Twitter with the same hashtag #BeenRapedNeverReported.  Our nation is paying attention!  Our nation is showing love, compassion, and care for the thousands of women who have suffered in silence.

So what is happening because of this Twitter Movement?  I am seeing a cultural movement that I now nickname the "Post-Ghomeshi Consciousness".  Within the "Post-Ghomeshi Consciousness",  Ghomeshi has become a trigger-word (not just a man but an allegory) that is prompting masses of Canadians to stand up and say "I will no longer stay silent".

The "Post-Ghomeshi Consciousness" continues to grow as advocates and survivors continue to see #BeenRapedNeverReported reach over 8 million views.  Shame is being broken, tweet by tweet.

Get Involved

Let's continue the positive momentum and support our nation's sexually abused.  Join me as I take small and major steps to help bring public awareness about sexual violence in Canada.  Here are a few ways you can get involved:

1. Support local charities such as "Calgary Communities Against Sexual Assault (CCASA)" and Edmonton's "Zebra Child Protection Centre".
2. Support survivors who have PTSD by learning about PTSD.  Tweet your findings with the hashtag: #PTSDCanada
3. Support male survivors of sexual abuse through "1 in 6" and "One Blue String".
4. Contact me to help fundraise and develop a public awareness campaign.

Will you dare to share the message of hope?  Tweet your support to the women who are rising: #BeenRapedNeverReported.

Canada at War

On October 17, 2014 Canada agreed to a combat mission against ISIS (War).

Within 5 days, there were two separate terrorist-inspired attacks on Canadian soil, committed by Canadian citizens, one of whom was allegedly "mentally-unstable" and had begged a B.C. judge to imprison him to get off of drugs (citation HERE).

Regardless of the man's issues, such violence by nationals against nationals has been ripping at Canada's heart, partly because of our national love for our Troops, and partly because the second attack was committed against the very heart of Canadian Parliament.  War has hit back and war has hit home.

Once the dust has settled, there is also an additional war being identified: mental health and mental health treatment in Canada.  I will save this topic for an additional post, because there is much to be said about it.

On October 22, 2014, Cpl. Nathan Cirillo was "standing guard for thee".  For that action of honour he was shot dead in cold blood and in the back.  In that very moment of violence, terror, and death, #CplNathanCirillo was immortalized as Canada's face representing the war against terrorism and violence inspired by radicalism, whether it is precipitated by mental health issues or not.

Cpl. Cirillo was the second murder on Canadian soil.  Two days prior, Warrant Officer Patrice Vincent was run down in Quebec simply for walking while in uniform.  A self-proclaimed terrorist waited 2 hours to spot a soldier so that he (the terrorist) could murder a Canadian soldier in cold blood.

Two crimes of terror, in random succession, from two entirely different murderers.  All of it, however, was done in the inspiration derived from radicalist Islam.

Photo credit: HERE

Rest in peace Cpl. Nathan Cirillo and Warrant Officer Patrice Vincent.  We salute you; we honour you; you are forever in the hearts and memories of Canada.

Moral Outrage

Canadians were pissed off, angry, mad, and enraged.  Days after the attacks, people are still expressing outrage, while also maintaining support for our troops and nation.  

As @Stats_Canada (the name of a satirical tweeter) wrote, “Canadians are 100% united, and 100% pissed off”.   That quote has been retweeted ~8,400 times and favourited ~6,200 times.  Clearly, the tweet hit home!

CBC Radio 2 @cbcr2shift, posted a question to Canadians asking, “Has Canada been changed forever?”  The obvious answer is "of course"!  Our blood has been spilled; that is a game changer!

In addition, a new theme of moral outrage has arisen: outrage against the lack of support for serious mental health issues in Canada.  If it is true that Cpl. Cirillo's murder was the result of a neglected mental health issue, versus a terror issue, how will Canadians respond? 

As more information arises about the second murderer amongst these terrorist-inspired acts, Canadian's grief and rage is being transferred onto the topic of mental health.  For example, a question on the radio today was, "can it be called terrorism if the person is suffering from a diagnosed mental illness?".

If you have more questions about the topic of terrorism and mental health, consider reading this Globe and Mail article: "When troubled young men turn to terror...".

Canadians are already making noise about the lack of funding for mental health program.  For example, check out www.ThisVideo.ca.  

What is a typical, Canadian response to terrorism (regardless of extenuating mental health)?

Good question. There doesn't appear to be a "typical" Canadian response.  Instead, what I saw was a variance of calmness, verbal outrage, grief-based humour, apathy, shock, and an overall sense of nationalism.

The verbal war began as people polarized between outrage, blame, shock, and rationality.  When one person said something racist, there were plenty of immediate reactions in reply.  The see-saw of public opinion was hard at work.

Canadian styled, grief-based humour was also hard at work.  Canadian humour has a long-standing tradition of helping us cope with overwhelming political and world events.  Here is an example of a Canadian who responded with grief-based humour to express his process of hearing of the attack(s) in Ottawa, responding to the grief, and then reacting after the grief has set in:

I wish I know who this Canadian is because
his creative expression of the stages of grief to National anger is quite noteworthy.
If you know who this is, please send me the link so that I can give him credit.

Yet, the rage, in whatever form it took, was primarily verbal.  I am quite pleased that there was little physical violence in response to the murders.  Why?  Because terrorism wants to force people into uncivilized and barbaric reactions.   A terrorist "wins" when he/she can force another to react in violence or terror.  A terrorist is minimized when a nation reacts in strength, civility, law, and order.

What are people saying about these terrorist events?

I have struck up conversations with several people at two different coffee shops and in internationally based social media.  I asked them what they thought of Canada’s terrorism events.  Here’s what people told me:

• A man from Scotland wrote, “Thoughts are with all Canadians tonight.  Hope you and yours are all ok.  When something like this happens people react in really strange ways.”

• A twitterer wrote to me, “This ain’t no fairytale.  Swift decisions have to be made at the top.” @mymelocello

• A man from South Africa wrote, “It’s too bad.  You’ll survive.  The world is like that now.”

• A local teenager replied in disconnect, “I don’t know what happened, I am not connected.  Can you tell me?”

• An apathetic teenager responded with: “I dunno, it’s kind of over, that’s sort of sad”.  She shrugged her shoulders and moved on.

• A local twitterer said, “I think I’m just going to cry now. #Canada” @kevole

• A local military wife said, “If I may... please note that i am Angry about today's happenings. I have been angry for a long time watching the trends in our North American melting pot. Attending Memorial reunions for fallen brothers of my Veteran husband. Seeing the news feeds of those who still fight for us. Fear is realistic and there is nothing wrong with making informative decisions because we fear for or lives, country, etc. I'm sorry but at this point in the game, we are ignorant if we do not accept that the war is here and we have allowed it.”  Jennifer G.

Personally, I did not witness many racist or xenophobic reactions close up, but here is what some people reported to me:

• “The racism/discrimination I’m witnessing within familiar circles is as big a threat to what Canada stands for as any act of terrorism.”  Ryan Jespersen (TV personality)

• “Sadly, despite the fact that we know very little at this time, I'm seeing far too many people demand the automatic detainment and deportation of Canadian Muslims.  I'm seeing far too many people demand that we shoot first and ask questions later.  I'm seeing far too many people act as judge, jury, and executioner - people who are sitting comfortably behind their monitors or their phones, somehow, for some reason, believing that creating this generation's version of an Internment Camp is not only defensible, but necessary.”  Lindsay T

NOW WHAT?

Canada is at war.  Canada has also had two isolated terrorist attacks in two days.  The war is not just overseas, it is happening here too.

Are Canadians awake to the impact of these realities?  Do Canadians understand that more change is coming?  Are Canadians willing to have difficult conversations about extremism, immigration, multi-culturalism’s impacts and the future of our national character?

It is time Canada.  To stay “strong and free”, we must understand vigilance, preparedness, and most of all, strength within our identity and national character.  

Ask yourself, “what does it mean to be Canadian today in this new-era of war?”

Ask yourself, "does mental health play a factor in radicalization of Canada's marginalized young adults?"

Ask yourself, "is there room for compassion for violent offenders, of any variety, who have known mental health issues?"

#PTSDAwareness #mentalhealth

When Virtual Friends and Life Collide

Can you ever really “know” someone?

I am a blogger, and do many things online, such as writing and recreation.  In one of my online ventures, I have been writing with several people for approximately to two years.  None of us have met in person, yet we share a unique connection and bond, which we discuss on numerous occasions.

Recently, one of those people with whom I wrote with frequently, was in an serious car accident and went into a coma.  I knew something was wrong with her when I didn’t see nor hear from her within her normal rhythm of being online and writing.  

Then I get a text from her sister.  She tells me that my writing friend was in a medically induced coma and wasn’t going to awaken for several weeks.  The accident was very serious.

TIME STOPPED.  I felt shock, grief, and a myriad of emotions. Then it occurred to me: why do I feel grief for someone I haven't actually met?  I mean, sure we talk all of the time in the internet world, but this was a whole new social scenario for me.

As my mind reeled with trying to make sense of the situation, one thing stood out: I was amazed that her sister reached out to me to explain the events.  How did the sister find me?  What did that sister know about me?  Questions and more questions.  But the answer was simple: when my writing friend was in a coma, her sister opened her phone and looked at her top contacts and reached out to all of us.  I was obviously one of those top contacts.

How was it that someone I never met, was also someone that the family reached out to, during a time of crisis?  Fortunately for me, this means that my character is positive and visible, even through writing.  I was appreciative for their vote of trust.

Grief Sets In

Grief can occur with any sudden change, including the change in a friendship.

Upon hearing about my writing friend's accident and coma, I was hit by all of the signs of grief: fear, anger, rationalization, negotiating and so on.  I felt sad, I was worried for her well being.  I even had the instinct to help or visit but what could I do to help?  Would it be weird to offer help?  After all, in such serious accidents, it is usually up to the family to be close, not friends or associates.  After all, my writing pal was in a coma and in isolation (infection risk).

I was not alone in my grief response, several of our mutual online friends were also experiencing shock and grief.  Some of us have spoken (through writing) and they were also experiencing symptoms of grief: shock, rationalization, anger, negotiation etc.

Yet, this was a completely new social situation for many of us.  How do you respond when an online friend (not virtual, but simply distant), is in trouble?  What are the appropriate responses?  I kept asking myself, “Should I feel so upset about a pen pal, about someone I only know through writing? ”

I began asking other questions such as:

• What if she isn’t really who I thought she was? (which is common in online forums)
• What if this is a scam?
• What if I’ve been played for someone else’s social experiment?

The shocking reality is that all of these questions could be answer with a “yes”.  I might have been played, I might have been scammed, and I may have been deceived by this person.  I don’t expect people to be honest online, but I do hope for that!  

Nevertheless, whether my pen pal was who she says she was or not, would the reality of her change my grief at the loss of our writing-connection?  That answer is “no”!  I would still be upset and grieved, regardless of the truthfulness of her writings. 

Connection, Like Grief Is NOT About Logic

So why would I be upset about a pen pal who may not be who she says she is?  The answer is simple: because I felt a connection that gave relational and emotional meaning to me.  We laughed, shared stories about life and nature, and we connected in friendly terms.  This is the basis for a social connection and therefore, it had social meaning to me.

Once I could accept that it was permissible (by "permissable" I am referring to my own mindset limitations, prior to this event) to have connection with a pen pal, regardless of in-person contact, then I realized all of the other connections (with emotions) that I had had with people outside of traditional community.  Let me provide some examples:

• Non-person personas (Actors, Characters in a Book etc): When my favourite TV character, whom I have watched for years, gets killed off of the show, I cried.  I felt all of the emotions of grief.  I questioned the writers, I got angry, I reasoned with the futility of death etc. 
• Public personas: When my speaker, pastor, favourite barrista, cashier or office person leaves their job, I feel that loss.  I experience the emotions of loss and grief.  I reminisce about seeing them at their desk, their office jokes, etc.  Then, I question why things in this world are so fleeting.  This is particularly true for people I admire: social activists, people of compassion etc.

In reflection of how often I have gone through loss and grief when dealing with people whom I do not know, I can understand that my response to my penpal’s coma is more about what gives me meaning, than it is about her.  

Think For a Moment

How many people do you follow on the news, through podcasts, through virtual church, or through tv?  Of those people, how many have you actually met?  And if you did meet that person, were they the same as who you believed or needed them to be?

Probably not.

There seems to be a human need to view people as we need them, more than as they are. 

How profound!  And how profoundly unfair to those public figures!!  Imagine the struggle the famous might have, finding themselves in between all of the wants and demands of those who profess to be their supporters or fans.   How can they know who they are, amidst all of that noise?

As Thomas Merton writes, “We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone--we find it with another.”  (#ThomasMerton, “Love and Learning”)

“The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you. 

- Neil deGrasse Tyson's response on Reddit when asked "What can you tell a young man looking for motivation in life itself.  #NeildeGrasseTyson