We could have been something...(a letter from the heart)

I sometimes write things that are a combination of personal experience, stories shared, and creative writing.  In this case, I am not inclined to share what or who inspired this ;)  That is my secret!

So simply kick back and enjoy this read...

Your Magnetism

For years, I watched you from a distance.  Your radiance made me smile.  I enjoyed watching you light up a room with your stories, your energy, and your passion for life.  You inspired me.

During those years, I watched you grow.  Your magnetism was contagious and people would spring to life just being around you. 

Even as you led many people to a greater life, I appreciated our quiet connection. Deep down, our hearts were writing a song together; like a secret that only we shared.  I smile even thinking about it...

I remember when we started dating.  You would take me out and we would laugh, share stories, and love one another as beings, as people, and as friends. It never seemed right to talk about who we were together because we were simply content being together, even if we sat in silence, staring at the sky.  

In you, I felt whole.  And in me, you felt safe.  We were life to each other.

I used to smile while others commented on how we had our own language and our own way together.  Your connection with me was something that simply ‘was’; we never really talked about it.  We just 'were'.

More Remembering...

I remember how you commanded a room.  Whenever you rose to speak, everyone breathed in a little as if they were waiting for gold to roll off your tongue.  And it often did! You carried wisdom, kindness, and respect.  I admired you all the more for it.

As you shone, I shone brighter.  We echoed love and respect for each other and for others.  We created an ambience of wholeness that was blended from our heart song.

You innately knew how to encourage and inspire every person you met.  When I watched you speak, I felt like I was watching a living legend in real time.  I had the luxury of seeing a GREAT person writing their life’s story, right in front of my eyes.  And what was even better, was that you were ‘my’ one and only.  I knew you; you knew me; and we were one.

With you it seemed like anything was possible.  Even if we were to jump off a cliff, with you and me together, it seemed like we could fly.

What Interrupted?

But then something hidden snuck in; something interrupted you.  I saw it arrive, like a small stone being thrown across our quiet and calm lake.  At first, the stone created a small ripple that seemed meaningless against the power of our shared water.  But that ripple continued and interrupted your peace.

It was as if something ill was spoken into your ear and caused your heart to became heavy.  Then slowly, that ripple distracted you.  The incumbrance was stealing your joy until the moment I could see that your warmth had faded cold.

In your distraction, you pulled away.  I longed to enter into your pain with you and be with you; but you were pulling away and in isolation, you were fading away.  At first, you simply retreated inside of yourself, in a silent place of reflection.  But then, the silence extended and you moved away.  The quiet ripple had become a huge hole that we were all drowning into.  Down, down, and down, we drowned into disharmony, disrepair, and sadness.

Who threw that first stone?  What caused that first ripple of doubt?  I can't see it, I do not understand it; but I want to fight it back!

Point to the one who is to blame and I will cry out!  Something or someone stole my best friend, my inspiration, and my wings.  I will cry out from the rooftops...because I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU!  I want you back!!

Grieving

I am left here feeling alone, and very sad.  I look for you everywhere, hoping to catch a glimpse and to see you smile.  I wait to hear that you are back, shining brighter than before.

Even if we could never be together again, it would bless my heart to see you shine again.  I want to believe your life is not lost; I want to believe that you were more than a vapour in the wind.

CURSE that interference, that first stone that sent a ripple in our waters.  Let that stone drown in the hole it created!  Let the curse set upon you and upon us, consume itself until it is no more!!

HOPE?

Sometimes I hear reports that someone has seen you or heard from you.  They tell me that you are 'ok' and are just going through some things right now.  They tell me that maybe one day you will be back.

I have gotten used to missing you.  I no longer wait at the door or by the phone, hoping to hear from you.  I understand now that you are gone.  I don't hate you for it, at least not that often.  Mostly, I feel sad.  My heart is only singing half of its song.  I don't know if it can ever sing again.

The world is a lot quieter and colourless without you.  It seems like the day to day grind of business is dull and monotonous.  I simply miss you and I am quietly waiting for you.

Because I love you, I can let it be.  Because you gave me life, I can release you to wander.  Because you cared so much for me, I can let go so that you can be. 

I am trying to move on and I am trying to live.  I just don't know how to sing anymore without you.  But I am trying...

If we never reunite, know that you will always have a place in my heart.  I respected you.  I blessed you.  I loved you.  And I would gladly love you back to life, in my arms.

We could have been something...

(Written by Elizabeth Lewis, 2013, Creative Commons License).